(I received a free e-copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.)

I really wanted to like this because it tells such an important kind of story, but the execution was lacking. For how many times Emily claims her endgoal is to be independent, don't need no man, etc., her recovery path sure revolves around her romantic relationships - she even says that she couldn't have reached the point of recovery that she did without Olivier.

Spoiler

But, you know, once she's all better and finally ready to move on? Thank u, next.

There's an attempt at a strong female friendship with Sarah, but a lot of the offhand comments and well-meaning actions she takes are actually red flags:

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thinking Sarah abandoned her to their friends' inquisition about Olivier, Sarah telling Olivier and Isabelle about Emily's rape behind her back, constantly trying to get her to date "because it'd be good for her" and she "knows her better than she knows herself"

because they're best friends because they're polar opposites - this was mentioned so many times, seriously.

You can smell the love triangle from a mile off, and there's no will they/won't they - it's obvious from the beginning who she'll end up with. Plus, there were a lot of mixed messages about feminism (though the f-word is never actually used, just implied alongside the matter-of-fact observations and attitudes); Emily is quite holier-than-thou sometimes, even when she's "agreeing" with her best friend that historically speaking it's only fair for women to play with men's feelings, or when "she thinks boys will be boys, but not derogatorily," or bemoans society's fixation on partnership and marriage. She's also quite hypocritical, getting jealous when her new boyfriend "can't help" looking at her blonde-bombshell-best-girlfriend in her provocative outfit but immediately resenting him for being a little jealous of her laughing with a male coworker; I also felt like she overreacted to what was honestly mostly normal behavior, if a little dubious. (Related: it would be nice to acknowledge that guys and girls can be friends even if they're both straight.)

Emily does eventually take actions to change her own life, but everything was wrapped up too neatly and I had several issues with the narrative that were never resolved. Just because her trauma left her unable to control her angry outbursts doesn't excuse them, and she never seems to feel real remorse (just frustration that her life is being ruined by her "monster") or apologize genuinely. And

Spoiler

the scene in Paris where she explicitly says no and Olivier "uses her body" anyway is rape, just like the taxi driver forcing himself on her

; it's a nuanced but important distinction that gets glossed over in the "am I a bad person for having doubts about my relationship?" No, you're not a bad person for putting your happiness and mental health first, though it may feel that way when you're recovering, and I'm glad she does eventually internalize that message.