3.5 Stars

Being a feminist is like being pregnant. You either are or you are not. You either believe in the full equality of men and women or you do not.

Dear Ijeawele was another great short feminist essay by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, although I have to admit that I didn't quite enjoy this one as much as We Should All be Feminists. I think because this one was a little more focused on parenting and raising a daughter. It felt like this essay collection was less inclusive on why people should become feminists and some of the importance of feminism. For me, this highlighted problems specifically as women we face and how we interact with the world.

I think one of the most important points Chimamanda spoke about was the use of language.

Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions. But to teach her that, you will have to question your own language. A friend of mine says she will never call her daughter 'princess'. People mean well when they say this, but 'princess' is loaded with assumptions, of a girl's delicacy, of the prince who will come to save her, etc. This friend prefers 'angel' and 'star'.

When Hillary Clinton was running for president of the United States, the first descriptor on her Twitter account was 'Wife'. The first descriptor on the Twitter account of Bill Clinton, her husband, is 'Founder', not 'Husband'.

These two quotations about labels applied to women are honestly my biggest pet hates and it was refreshing to see this written in paper. Why do women primarily identify themselves as a wife? They are a woman, who has a job, a life etc. It was important and is important to me that we continue to challenge these expectations for women. Also, the terminology of princess (whilst not necessarily bad), like Adichie discusses feeds into this rhetoric of female delicacy. It is important that we as women continue to think about how we describe ourselves, how we identify and label ourselves as this speaks volumes to those around them. Men do not primarily identify themselves as a Husband, so why should women's summation of themselves be reduced to the term wife? This is not to say women should not (of course) describe themselves as a wife if they wish, however, I think you should think about 1) why this is your first description of yourself 2) does your husband/wife/partner perceive their identity by their marital status? These terms speak of power within relationships and how we set expectations for ourselves. If we teach our girls that they should aspire to be a wife, then their life achievements are limited by another person.

Overall, I think there were so many wonderful points Adichie spoke about, and so many important messages for imparting on the next generation. I am not a parent, so I think it's difficult for me to see how this can be applied to parenting in every instance. However, I think all parents should read this and think about how they raise their children.

That a woman claims not to be a feminist does not diminish the necessity of feminism. If anything, it makes us see the extent of the problem, the successful reach of patriarchy. It shows us, too, that not all women are feminists and not all men are misogynists.