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james_desantis 's review for:
Ultimates 3: Who Killed The Scarlet Witch?
by Jeph Loeb
Re-reading this for my new video and holy shit is this as awful as I remember.
The very first page of Ultimates 3 starts with leaked footage of Tony's sex tape. Because, what better way to start a superhero tale of the greatest team on earth, than to talk about the drunk tony start fucking and his tapes selling on dvd. If that's not bad enough we have totally out of wack character, Hawkeye acting enraged despite him trying to self heal after Ultimates 2 events in which he lost his family. Instead of on that path at the end of that, we have just a angsty version of Hawkeye no one can stand, cursing at everyone including his friends.
But we can't get to comfortable because soon Venom burst in demanding to speak to “her” but we don't learn who her is till much later. And the rest of the issue is extremely uneasy and uncomfortable as Janet explains to Steve after Steve and Quick Silver get into a argument over scarlet witches costume in which Janet explains that quick silver is in love with scarlet witch. His sister. Like Yikes. But it only gets worse as it goes on.
We have major character like Black Panther get beat by the likes of someone like venom. Janet just yelling at me. Thor has a horny god trying to fuck a 19 year old as much as he can. Which might be the most normal thing in this book and it still comes off as sleezy. You got Wolverine just showing up because he's wolverine. You have a cameo of Spider-Man which was a unnecessary 7 or 8 pages. And you have almost everyone MORE unlikeable in this ultimates even than you did in the prior ultimates, which despite being unlikeable, at least got shit done. In this they're fighting amongst themselves most of the time, and there isn't even a hulk to cause this.
Later on Quick silver goes to his father after his sister is shot and presumed dead. His father decides to strike the ultimates. This causes a new brotherhood to form. The fights make no sense, characters getting beat that shouldn't. There's few extremely uncomfortable scenes, one where Valkyrie almost gets raped by Pyro...like why? WHY Quick silver quick betrayal after getting shot in the knees by his father is all good with his pops. You have some odd choices here like showing the sex scene from wolverine's point of view which makes wolverine look really creepy watching brother and sister doing it. Like why?
I know I'm jumping around because this book is literally only 5 issues, but it is insanity, and it's godawful, and ruins a lot of characterization. Millar's runs were very tongue and cheek and he knew what he was going for, Loeb just made everyone a asshole, sleezy, sexist, and disgusting. Which I don't know why you would double down on bad traits but here we are.
The very first page of Ultimates 3 starts with leaked footage of Tony's sex tape. Because, what better way to start a superhero tale of the greatest team on earth, than to talk about the drunk tony start fucking and his tapes selling on dvd. If that's not bad enough we have totally out of wack character, Hawkeye acting enraged despite him trying to self heal after Ultimates 2 events in which he lost his family. Instead of on that path at the end of that, we have just a angsty version of Hawkeye no one can stand, cursing at everyone including his friends.
But we can't get to comfortable because soon Venom burst in demanding to speak to “her” but we don't learn who her is till much later. And the rest of the issue is extremely uneasy and uncomfortable as Janet explains to Steve after Steve and Quick Silver get into a argument over scarlet witches costume in which Janet explains that quick silver is in love with scarlet witch. His sister. Like Yikes. But it only gets worse as it goes on.
We have major character like Black Panther get beat by the likes of someone like venom. Janet just yelling at me. Thor has a horny god trying to fuck a 19 year old as much as he can. Which might be the most normal thing in this book and it still comes off as sleezy. You got Wolverine just showing up because he's wolverine. You have a cameo of Spider-Man which was a unnecessary 7 or 8 pages. And you have almost everyone MORE unlikeable in this ultimates even than you did in the prior ultimates, which despite being unlikeable, at least got shit done. In this they're fighting amongst themselves most of the time, and there isn't even a hulk to cause this.
Later on Quick silver goes to his father after his sister is shot and presumed dead. His father decides to strike the ultimates. This causes a new brotherhood to form. The fights make no sense, characters getting beat that shouldn't. There's few extremely uncomfortable scenes, one where Valkyrie almost gets raped by Pyro...like why? WHY Quick silver quick betrayal after getting shot in the knees by his father is all good with his pops. You have some odd choices here like showing the sex scene from wolverine's point of view which makes wolverine look really creepy watching brother and sister doing it. Like why?
I know I'm jumping around because this book is literally only 5 issues, but it is insanity, and it's godawful, and ruins a lot of characterization. Millar's runs were very tongue and cheek and he knew what he was going for, Loeb just made everyone a asshole, sleezy, sexist, and disgusting. Which I don't know why you would double down on bad traits but here we are.