*Cracks fingers* My time to shine!

TW: Homophobia, biphobia, infidelity, mentions of sex, religion, religious trauma, disownment, internalised homophobia, sexual assault(?)

Please note this review is coming from a non-binary, queer white person raised LDS

Overall, I really liked this story. It was very hard for me to start considering my background and religious trauma in the same religion as Sebastion. I thought it was all handled really well and that the authors did a lot of really great research (from what I can find neither are or were LDS). Having a book that deals so bluntly with religious trauma and queerness with bisexual rep is DEEPLY needed and in a lot of ways healing for me. While I HATED what the main character did during the 'big mess' at the end (that I think *SPOILERS* counts very much as sexual assault on both ends), I still found the rest of the book important and I'm grateful it's here.

BUT! Despite all the research I can tell the authors did, I do have to point out there were a few mistakes that very clearly jumped out to me (as someone raised LDS). Most of these just made me laugh, and didn't damage the story or morals or paint anything egregiously wrong. Just signaled to me this was researched rather than from lived experience. Read forward if you want a laugh.

1: Tanner is shocked that all the kicks in the Provo high school sit so 'properly' and straight up. Dude, LDS kids have the 'reverent but slouching' pose down to an artform.

2: It is highly implied that EVERYONE in provo is LDS, don't drink, dress modestly, and are clean cut. True, the MAIN chuck are LDS, but that's around 60%, and it's not uncommon of for people to drink. There are plenty of bars, people wearing 'immodest' clothing, and swearing up and down the place, especially at school! I went to a 95% Mormon high school and I can tell you I've never heard more 'improper' language that in those halls. XD

3: I had to put down the book to compose myself when Tanner said "Provo is safe to drive in. No one drinks and everyone drives like an octogenarian". Reader, I was wheezing. EVERYONE IN UTAH collectively agrees (ESPECIALLY THOSE IN PROVO) that roadrage is one of the the single most horrible things about that area. People are kind on the street but once they are behind the wheel, all is shunned in favour of the blood-driven intense desire to own the road and be FIRST HOME AT ALL COSTS. No one is safe from the wrath of a provo driver. It is joked cars there should have talley lines to count each car's victims. Drivers in Utah will mow down the prophet himself if he even accidentally sets foot off the sidewalk.

4: The prayers were off. You can tell a LDS prayer. They are their own very unique style, and one big thing is all speech is switched to Shakespearean ol' english. There is no "You" and "me", there is only "Thou" and "Thee". I saw too many times where Heavenly Father was referred to as "You" and while that sounds like a nitpik, it's very off-putting to an LDS prayer and signals your familiarity with the culture. And while the traditional LDS closing prayer mantra is "in the name of Jesus Christ, amen", nearly everyone (it's a running joke in the church now) adds a "Thy son" in there ("In the name of thy son, Jesus Christ, amen").

5: The word "Recruit" is used in this book often, but no one actually uses that word in reference to joining the LDS church IRL. What IS used is 'convert' or 'conversion'.

6: Sebastion, a lifelong member says at one point he didn't want to disappoint "the Heavenly Father". LDS folk do not put a 'the' before Heavenly Father, because their relationship too him is seen as that of a real parent and child, and with the same familiarity. Adding the 'the' is the equivalent of someone saying "I can't go to X party, I don't want to disappoint the Dad". It just sounds SO wrong!

7: Not so much on the funny side, but some doctrinal things were misphrased or incorrect. One page said children of queer LDS parents were "excluded" from church activities until they were 8 years old. This is false (not that the real doctrine is any better!) The actual rule was these children were not allowed to be baptised till they were 18 and able to 'denounce' their parents 'lifestyle'. They were more than welcome to join in with activities and come to church (Cause church still wants a convert!) but just not get baptised or receive the priesthood (normally received at age 12) till they are 18.

Lastly, there was a lot of inconsistencies I noticed while reading that an editor should have picked up on. For one, the first prayer said in the book had the 'You' (in reference to God) capitalised, while the second prayer didn't. In another scene Sebastian is handed a Vitamin Water but in the next paragraph it magically turns into a Coke? Little things that I think should have been caught early on. A big one though is Sebastian gives Tanner an author copy of his book, and it is never spoken about again. Tanner only learns about Sebastian's book again at the book launch. If Tanner really was worshiping Sebastian he would have devoured that ARC.