CW: bipolar disorder, death, grief, suicide

This is undeniably a unique novel, and one I enjoyed reading. However, now that I’ve finished it and read a few reviews, I can say that while there are important topics woven into the story, they were mostly hidden behind a meandering plot and poorly developed characters.

The most notable thing, in my opinion, is that this is a sad book. It follows Corey as she returns to her hometown for her best friend’s memorial, trying to figure out what happened and dealing with her own guilt as she grieves. It talks about her friendship with Kyra going downhill after Corey is forced to leave with her family, and Kyra’s bipolar disorder getting worse leading up to her death. Certain scenes were especially sad and I felt it.

I liked the setting of the story. I don’t think I’ve read a book set in Alaska before, and Lost Creek was a wintery town in the wilderness with secrets. It was intriguing, and did create some level of atmosphere.

A significant part of the book was flashbacks to when Kyra was alive, and she talked about wanting people to separate her from her bipolar disorder, to see her as a person. Outside of the flashbacks, following the present storyline, there was discussion of the “magic” mental illness. I can’t speak on this rep, but I’ve seen others say it was done well. I can say that I appreciate the author approaching this topic, as I don’t think I’ve read any other book that did.

A random thing I liked was the minor m/m couple. There was only one scene that really featured them, but they were cute. And they’re both POC.

From here, I’ve got to get into what I didn’t like. Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a long list.

First, some parts of the story confused me. How did Kyra know these things she painted? What did Corey hear when she was alone: ghosts, her imagination, something else? These things were mentioned frequently but I didn’t understand them, even as the novel came to a close.

Both of the protagonists felt underdeveloped. All I can tell you about Corey is that she liked astronomy. Kyra was a bit better, but still, all I know is that she loved stories and lore, had bipolar disorder, and painted to cope with it. Even with Corey narrating and the inclusion of Kyra’s letters and notes, I don’t feel like I really got to know either of them.

The biggest problem I have is with the queer rep. Corey is asexual and Kyra is pansexual. The only real mention of it is somewhere before the halfway point, when a flashback talks about the two of them discovering labels that fit them. While that’s important, I personally don’t think that’s enough. Kyra being pan but also being dead from the start to create the plot could be called an example of the bury your gays trope. Corey being ace is good, because there’s so little ace rep in YA right now, but I would’ve liked it to be a bit more prominent. I also would’ve liked it to be distinguished from aromanticism, as they’re different but not really treated as such in the story. I would say I’m happy for the inclusion, but it’s 2018 and I think more could’ve been done, even though queerness isn’t the focus of the novel.

The last thing I want to bring up is the format. I didn’t mind the inclusion of Kyra’s letters to Corey or the notes she didn’t send or her writing on the walls. I think those added an extra element to the story, added a bit of depth and emotion. However, there were a handful of times where a chapter would randomly be formatted like a script, and it was kind of disruptive. I don’t know why the author chose to do that, and while ultimately it doesn’t matter, I think the story would’ve been a bit more cohesive without that touch.

While I did enjoy parts of this novel, other aspects raised questions and eyebrows as I read. Some things were good, while others needed more development or to be cut entirely. Despite this, I do plan to read more from Marieke, as I think they show a lot of potential as an author.