It’s pretty distressing how relevant this book is still today. Are some parts a bit dated? Yeah. But most of it is not. Which is a hard thing to sit with. 

bell hooks put into words one of my discomforts with what I see in 2025 pop culture feminism. It’s cute we’re all hyping each other up, decentering men, supporting women’s wrongs, etc etc. But feminism can’t succeed unless men change too. And feminism can’t succeed until women, many of whom (like myself) consider themselves to be feminists, notice and take accountability for the ways they have been perpetuating patriarchy. There’s a certain spiteful glibness I see from women online, relishing in the male loneliness epidemic, telling straight men in particular that they made their bed - it’s time to go lie in it, alone forever, and to suffer. I relate to these posts. I like these posts. But there were many moments in this book that made me really sit with how I’ve treated men in my life, particularly romantic partners, when they haven’t performed in ways I expected them to. It’s easy to point the finger at everyone else. It’s deeply unsettling to consider how deeply ingrained some of these expectations are in yourself, especially if you identify as a radical feminist like hooks. 

TWTC doesn’t discount the violence men commit against women, children, and other less dominant men. It doesn’t ask women to do all the work for men. But it is full of important insights into how the patriarchy robs men of pieces of themselves and womens’ roles in upholding and reinforcing the patriarchy. This is a book of deep love and empathy for the good men out there. I think it’s worth a read.