TW: eating disorder, body/fat shame, substance abuse

I've had this sitting around for quite some time. So long, in fact, that I deleted from my goodreads shelves, intending to get rid of it. But it always intrigued me. Overall, I feel half and half about this.
On one hand, I felt everything so viscerally; the kind of violence you feel towards your own body when you're fat, the one where you think "Later on I'm going to be really fucking beautiful. I'm going to grow into that nose and develop an eating disorder. I'll be hungry and angry all my life but I'll also have a hell of a time" (pg 7). I felt that. a lot.
But then the narrative kind went stagnant. Our main character diets and diets and exercises until she looses weight, but then she's totally and completely unhappy. And she still doesn't fit into *that* dress. And by the end, she doesn't really seem to learn anything. She continues to belittle women with larger and smaller bodies. Yeah, she's kind of an asshole through the whole book, but that doesn't change at all. She spend her whole life pleasing other people, and punishing herself when she dares to please herself. Her unlikability isn't what turns me off, it was her inability to grow from that. I think, at the end of the day, this also says a lot about society and fat girls and how fat girls treat themselves and others because of society.
Overall, I felt this was missing something. It was simply surface level. And while I enjoyed that first bit, I wish it could've dove a little deeper.
3/5 stars.