After reading this I just do not have the energy to write a review, so I'm just gonna post the notes I made while listening to this. Spoilers for the entire book, but I wouldn't recommend you read this anyway so it doesn't matter.

✨ It's only the prologue and I'm already exhausted
✨ The first chapter is literally just his fucking backstory and exposition
✨ There could be something interesting in 'pop culture as religion', but I don't think it's gonna go anywhere
✨ So far, world building is hella underwhelming
✨ "Hey, Wade 3" is an insult???
✨ Your mum jokes?? Really??
✨ Ok, muting people is cool
✨ He's skilled at words?? Bitch where
✨ Why is he so weird? Because he's.... overweight? That's literally the only reason given
✨ ....... he just said noob, holy fuck
✨ Planets are also pretty cool
✨ Why in god's name would you want the dial-up sound
✨ The 'sucksers',, because they suck,,, holy fuck
✨ He just repeated that, like any gunter, he hates sixers
✨ I spy a manic pixie dream girl
✨ He saves all her pics because he's a stalker
✨ Oh my god, she's not like other girls
✨ "Don't call me shirley" makes no sense in this context
✨ Canon is being used stupidly
✨ I love that the only thing they've insulted so far is Ladyhawke
✨ "It's a chickflick" uggggghhhhhhh
✨ Sexism is fun
✨ The Spielberg reference made me laugh
✨ This book could be retitled "Gatekeeping pop culture things"
✨ Do they know what twink means
✨ Oh good, the f-slur
✨ Listening to them just saying random trivia about pop culture is exhausting
✨ This world could be so cool :/
✨ This guy is the woooooorst, jesus christ, even I'm not such a know it all
✨ No THANK YOU, I do not need to hear about Halliday's childhood
✨ Ofc his mum is bipolar, because that makes him Damaged rite
✨ The ENTIRETY of chapter 5 is just fucking exposition about Halliday
✨ Does Ernest Cline not understand how terrible info dumps are, jesus cHRIST
✨ God bless the fact that Wil Wheaton's good at narration, otherwise this would be so excruciatingly painful
✨ Chapter 5 is so disgustingly boring
✨ First of all, Orson Scott Card, really?? But also, every single author he just mentioned (20+ at least) is a man
✨ And all the directors are men and franchises have male leads
✨ I have not heard him mention a woman ANYWHERE, let alone a person of colour
✨ "aNd NoT jUsT hOlY gRaIl EiThErR" well good for fucking you
✨ OH MY GOD, all the video artists are men
✨ Oh look, women being mentioned. But they're cute girls playing ukuleles and he's only watching them because he thinks they're hot
✨ YES, PLOT, FINALLY
✨ "Jerking off to Ladyhawke", because god forbid we mention a Thing with women that doesn't have sexist undertones
✨ So, hang on, you only have one life before you go back to square one?? What gamer would do this
✨ Also he has literally no issues finding this thing, wtf, how is this exciting
✨ Bitch, you have no worth
✨ This is a battle and yet it's so boring
✨ "Elvish, created by J.R.R. Tolkein, for the Lord of the Rings trilogy" OKAY WE GET IT, YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN IT ALL
✨ What a stalker weirdo
✨ Noob has been used like 4 times. Ffs, this is 2044, not 2003
✨ I actually really like Art3mis and I hate myself for that
✨ Omg, he is literally just going to act out War Games, this is so stupid
✨ Fun fact, enjoying things does not mean knowing every single thing about them
✨ I stg, if I have to listen to this entire fucking film be acted out I will cut someone
✨ Are you telling me this bitch hasn't stayed awake for over 24 hours?? Seriously??
✨ The phrase 'geek girl' was just used and I want to die
✨ So, when there isn't a terrible info-dump, this is semi-entertaining
✨ Proof that this is written by an allocishet white man for other allocishet white men: multiple Revenge of the Nerds references
✨ The ableism is strong with this one
✨ IOI is a terrible villain
✨ I hate men
✨ As much as I'm not enjoying this, I gotta admit that Wil Wheaton is really good at narrating audiobooks
✨ I'm not an idiot, so I already know that he's not gonna work for IOI. Therefore, this entire boring-as-shit conversation is just painful
✨ "You and the other sucksers can fuck a duck" is the worst line in human history
✨ I'm sorry, is this meant to be intense bc I'm still bored and this dude is literally being threatened
✨ And just because IOI has a face now, doesn't mean they're not still a weak ass villain
✨ Bitch just killed Mrs. Gilmore, how fucking dare he, she was the only good character
✨ They're called the high five, really. jesus.....
✨ Japanese stereotypes, yay
✨ Sexism AND racism?? It's my lucky day
✨ "Ass-head" is a terrible insult
✨ Also, this guy is the wooorrrsssttt, can he pls stop being a stuck up little bitch
✨ The OASIS has existed for decades, but Wikipedia and Ebay still exist????
✨ Is Wade even trying to figure out the next clue bc it seems like he's just chilling
✨ Nothing? Is? Even? Happening? What? The? Fuck?
✨ Hang on, she doesn't want to be friends with him now
✨ The fact that the word flibbertigibbet keeps getting used is annoying
✨ SNL still exists??!!!??
✨ Wade doesn't think that Art3mis is a guy, wow, what a feminist
✨ He just admitted that he's a stalker and she's totally chill with it? Sure.
✨ I think this is meant to be cute banter but it's,,,, not
✨ "Are you a human female who has never had a sex change operation?" "I am, and always have been, a human female" wow transphobic much :/
✨ He's literally e-mailing her even though she very clearly doesn't want to e-mail him wtf
✨ Can we get back to the fucking contest
✨ Jfc idgaf about your stupid romance
✨ He just called her his girlfriend but I'm pretty sure they're not actually dating????
✨ So much time was just dedicated to explaining a show that wasn't even relevant
✨ He just mentioned Tyler Durden. I would bet my first born child that he didn't get fight club
✨ Did it ever occur to Wade that maybe she just doesn't like him much
✨ He's ignoring his friend to chill with a girl who doesn't even like him what the actual fuck
✨ CAN WE GET BACK TO THE HUNT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOOOODDDDDD
✨ Aaaannnnd now they're dating, jfc
✨ They're performing Rocky Horror Picture Show, STOP RUINING THE THINGS I LOVE
✨ Kissing, great, this is exactly what I wanted from my sci-fi/dystopia adventure
✨ I