4.5/5 stars

This isn't necessarily a book you enjoy, but it is a book that will make you feel.

The entire time I was reading this, I felt sad and depressed. Everything was just so relatable, and I'm not even Taiwanese or Chinese. It made for a difficult read, but I also couldn't put it down. The romance was perfect (and that's coming from someone who hates romance), there were a few scenes that were kind of dramatic and had me wondering what the onlookers were thinking lol, but the ending was pretty satisfying and realistic.

Talking about Mei...I found her character to be really relatable. Especially the germaphobe part. While I don't constantly use hand sanitizer, my brain is always pointing out how certain things have germs on them/are dirty, and I'm always washing my hands or feeling the need to shower or do laundry etc. Seeing that in a book was actually really nice, cause it made me realize I'm not the only one who's like this lol

Mei's whole relationship with her family was also something that was really relatable. Her parents expectations really mirrored my family's expectations on me when it came to education, marriage, overall appearance and behaviour etc. The guilt that comes with not pleasing your parents, going against their wishes, even thinking differently from them, really connected with me. I felt the conflict Mei was constantly going through in her head. I understood how she knew her parents had worked hard and made so many sacrifices and only wanted the best for her, and I also understood how that made her feel more obligated to do what they wanted. I understood how her feelings conflicted with her parents, and how she felt that her feelings weren't important or didn't matter. I understood the controlling behaviour and tiger parent strategy. I understood the manipulation and threats. Everything was just too close to home and it hurt to read. I wanted to reach in and save Mei cause I could tell what was going to happen and how hard it was going to be.

When everything was revealed to Mei's parents about her visiting Xing and how she doesn't want to be a doctor, I felt so scared for her. And then when the inevitable happened, it was just so sad. I had hoped that maybe her parents would realize that they would lose both children this way, but they didn't realize that (at least not right away).

When Mei's mother's backstory was revealed, it really hit me how similar it was to my own mother's and that made this book even more difficult to read. I understood Mei's mother's reasonings behind her actions, and her owning up to it and telling Mei that it was her upbringing and lifestyle that made her think this was also right for her kids, really made me sympathize with her. If only that could happen irl more. If only parents could admit that they make mistakes and that they take out their frustrations on us because of what they've gone through, and that they're sorry and they understand that they're wrong and that they'll try and listen and be better. But unfortunately that's not the case for a lot of people out there and in many cases, you have to be like Xing and just do it – do what you know is right and will make you mostly happy, and every day it will get easier.

The ending was a good bittersweet. It felt realistic and something that I could see happening in a good case scenario. This book definitely left me feeling less alone, knowing that other people go through similar things, and in many cases have it worse than I do, but at the same time validating what I feel and making it okay to feel the way I do.