Warnings : transphobia ( from the author ), Zionism ( from the author ), narcissism ( from the author ), spoilers ( from me ).

Really : this will be a giant spoiler, in the hope of avoiding you this enraging read. If you keep reading this, you WILL be spoiled. 

You've been warned.

I thought I wouldn't reach the ending of this book, for it made me extremely angry, and not in a good way.

It started relatively nicely. The writing style felt good enough, at times even greatly flowing ; and I'm a memoir lover, so I was willing to let slide a whole lot of flaws, no one being flawless in real life.

Then, and by that, I mean FAST, came the troubles.

Obviously, the author has a traumatic history involving babies. This isn't hidden, and if it explains why everything has to resolve around babies, it does not make it less obsessive and concerning when babies are brought up every few lines, and very regularly in a way that implies that every woman under the sun should be procreating as of right now.

Obliviously again, the author has a traumatic history involving a transgender person. This does not, ever, make it ok to use transphobic language, and even less throughout an entire book : " It was as real to him as Jim's belief that he was a man " is the perfect example of things that shouldn't be said about trans people. 

Also, we're having the great displeasure of seeing the " Holy land " mentioned. Terms like " passionate Zionists " and " the chosen people " are used in this book, and Israel is a place the author will very clearly defend to her grave. 
Well, if there is one thing to keep from this book, it is the line " Most Israelis would be spending eternity in Hell ", set somewhere around other very troubling Zionist sentences.
Please avoid telling me that this was written before october 2023. Someone that's been to Israel before 2023 also very clearly knows the genocide didn't start last year.

Let's go back to reading, shall we ? As we were discovering that her friend probably has an enthusiastic fascist of a husband, the author seems to think that it's all right cause her friend feels like this man was a literal god ordained gift in her life.
But it gets worse ! The author and her wife have to split up, addiction and cheating getting in the way of what we'll assume to be a very unhealthy relationship to start with. " She punished me by routinely getting inebriated at the worse possible times, which I hated but knew I deserved. (it did not cross my mind that this might not be all about me.) ". Author ? Do you hear yourself thinking, through this very foggy narcissism ? 

" Sometimes it was a relief to be on my own, not feeling (as) awful about myself, not fixated on how much she'd been drinking or what I could do to stop or. "
Took a breather after that, that's how angered I was at what I was reading. Literally went grocery shopping when I'd been avoiding it all day. 
I was MAD. It's so insanely selfish thinking, it literally terrifies me.


And then, when I came back from the supermarket, I found the author explaining that she went back to cheating because her break up ( caused by the cheating ) was too painful for her to hear ??? And she compared her unfaithfulness to an ADDICTION ?

I nearly went right back to the store to buy more groceries, including vodka, as a way to forget all of this was ever written.

After that, her side boyfriend finally appears to be an highly deranged individual, and indeed, maybe the author was under his toxic spell. But you know what ? That is no excuse for everything we just said. Not giving a shit to what battles your wife has to go through, starting a secret relationship on the side of your wedding, telling us all good Israel is, and bringing in the transphobia to generous length ; these are choices, that didn't seem to bring much enlightenment for the author, for she, years after, still write them as if none of this was an issue. 

Though, suddenly I can see how addiction is a comparable topic when it comes to that hidden relationship of her's ; true toxicity is indeed addictive, it very much is a poison, the same way nicotine or coke can be.

But what does it have to do with always more transphobic terms, like " her hideous lover - her bearded girlfriend " ? Are we suddenly allowed to display hate about dysphoric people, because one of them turned out to be a sociopath ?

Nope, we are not.

Some will argue that we have to separate the artist from the person ; here, this is nearly impossible. The writing is fluid, I'll give that to the author. It also is very honest, but I'm not sure we should congratulate her on that. She's simply too self involved to see how bad what she's confessing to is. 
The issue lies, literally, with the person who wrote this book.

Call me a wokist as much as you want ; the author, a gay woman, is the one who should be more woke, not me who should be less. And I'm also a white, gay, cis-woman from a rich country ; don't come telling me how awful life was for this problematic author, because I was actually dealt worse cards than hers, and I'll always do my best to defend transgender people, to gently treat people with addiction, and to proudly assert that, one day, from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

... I wanted to stop here with criticizing this unholy book, yet I find myself right back here, it's that awful.

Our self entitled author, realizing that her wife had serious issues with alcohol, told her she wanted to leave her, at the very moment her wife was finally ready to start the healing process ; and then, that same author complains that, well, after ten years of relationship ( during which, let's all remember, she cheated ), she should still be entitled to her ex wife's friendship... That same ex wife she just abandoned on the sidewalk of her life like a weight she refused to carry.

God, I hate that bitch. It's in everything that is written, from the " Al-Anon sounds like Arabic " ( ... and ? ) to the " I want to slap her " while talking about her wife ( that's violence ). It's the " Addicts lie. When I was addicted to lust, I lied all the time... " You were NOT addicted to lust, or cheating. You're an unfaithful bitch. I rest my case. 
It's, to end it all, the " Are you the Ariel who all the bad things happened to ? ". You know what happened to you, really, author ? That very, deeply horrible situation with your child. But that is all, there is no " all the bad things " to speak of. It is, indeed, one violent and truly terrible incident that happened to you ; but everything else isn't out of the ordinary, and is of your own wrongdoing. I feel so much empathy, though, for your ex wife : she, too, had to feel he loss of her child, and she probably felt it in numerous cases, including when you were busy feeling that " primal attachment " to the baby daddy, and being willfully negligent to your wife's needs, bringing her right back down to alcoholism.

You're a very selfish individual, and nothing in the book indicates that you're aware of that, so I truly hope that someone will end up telling this to you. It's time to grow the fuck up. Half a point goes to you, for the writing is in itself, at times pleasant : but everything else is a shame I wouldn't want to carry with my name.