There is something about the title of this book that felt aggressive in a way that made me not want to read it, despite the fact that it was compared to Samantha Irby (whose essay collections I love) and seemed topically to be spot on for something I'd relate to and appreciate. I cannot say why I had that reaction to the title, but I also can't deny that I had the reaction. However, it remained on my radar. As I was checking out the 2022 Lambda Literary Award Finalists (https://lambdaliterary.org/awards/current-finalists/) a few weeks ago, adding myriad books to my TBR (of course), I noticed that it had made the shortlist for Bisexual Nonfiction. And apparently being thrown by the title was not a strong enough reaction to stop me from checking it out from my library that very same day. 

In their essay collection Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much, Winston explores bisexuality (of course) from both a personal and a more expansive/theoretical perspective, gender (again both for herself and more widely), and sex itself. Starting with some of the first inklings that she may be bi (or maybe she just really admires those girls?), Jen takes us through her lifelong journey of sexuality and gender, including the ways (internal and external) it was dismissed and the general (and deep-seated) fear of not being "queer enough" and the many ways she sought to adress that feeling. This collection holds many insights into growing up and maturing into yourself sexually and as a female, both universally and specific to the questions that come with bisexuality, which Winston addresses it all with an intelligent humor that made me snort unexpectedly, chuckle in recognition, and laugh out loud in real amusement. There are also a few essays that tackle more serious themes of identity, sexual expectations and assault, queerphobia/biphobia, and greater philosophical questions of being queer that go past who you're sleeping with and look more deply into what it means to be who you are on your own terms, in a way that is accessibly academic and with an inclusion of voices with greater intersectionality than Winston's own. 

Well first, the vibe of this entire collection was spot on, chock full of hilarity, presented right alongside more sincere commentary and self-realization. To start with a a very personal note, the two pre-chapters, addressing imposter syndrome about being “queer” enough and defining what bisexuality is and is not, both hit home hard. It was amazing how, so quickly, so many things I’ve thought/felt had already been addressed; it’s like Winston was in my head, and that makes this reader feel much less alone. And as they write in the opening: there is power in feeling seen, even if it’s silly, and there’s so much here specific to my own experiences and I can’t help but feel that deep satisfaction in being seen in these pages (like,  not understanding what same-sex crushes actually mean because you also have the “normal” opposite sex ones!). That being said, there were some parts that I identified with much less. A number of essays address sex (having it, doing it badly, with men and women, different kinks, threesomes, etc.) that were fascinating to read (Winston's writing never let's you down - high quality and hilarious all the way through), but were less compelling because there wasn't as much that I personally related to. Obviously that's going to happen with any memoir-style read, eventually, but it was just a little more jarring of a transition here, becasue the first few essays (and then others scattered throughout), were just so on point for me. 

As I said, there were also some more serious themes that Winston addresses in this collection. Specifically, from (and for) a white cis non-disabled female POV, there was a nice (necessary) intro guide to taking the ideas of fighting patriarchy and white supremacy past the superficial, in a more intersectional/inclusive way. She does this by both including (with credit) philosophies from other queer thinkers/leaders with identities different than her own, as well as being honest about the ways she has failed in the past in recognizing and using her own privilege. It's a great example of owning your own identity and past and committing to doing better as you learn more. I also loved her explorations of queer imposter syndrome and erasure by/from people you come out to (based on assumptions about what "qualifies" or "deserves" a queer label). The closing essays where being queer as a radical concept of identity and not related solely to your romantice partners, and the way that type of expansive thinking could lead to collective liberation and more, were idealistic but fulfilling to read. The one note I'll make here is that many of Winston's personal experiences around being bisexual do come attached to experiences of sexual interatctions and acts of sex. I know this is a memoir, and therefore based on what the author's own life/experiences have been, but with all the recognition of other identities they don't personally hold in these pages, I wish I could have seen a little more discussion of being bi unattached to sex, as not recognizing that aspect does feel a bit like overlooking the ace community.       

Winston captured so many feels that resonated deeply with me here, and with such precision. For the parts I saw myself in, these essays hit deeply (and the others were still definitely entertaining). This collection has humor and research and queer questioning/philosophy all fantastically rolled up together. It's messy and honest and funny and insightful and educational. And it's well worth the read, weird aggressive title vibes notwithstanding! 

“Bi culture is everything. Which means bi culture is nothing. As annoying as this logic loop might be, it reflects exactly what it's like to be bisexual: to be told simultaneously that you are asking too much and that you don’t exist.” 

 

“We’re all seeking information about how to act, how to be, or how we already are. It doesn't matter if it's wrong. It doesn't matter if it could apply to anyone. If it speaks to us by name, just like that: We feel seen.” 

 

“We felt lust or something like it: a drive to consume the entire world and to have it consume us back.” 

 

“I found inspiration from everyone there, but always felt guilty about this - why look up to someone for being themselves when being themselves shouldn't have been a challenge to begin with?” 

 

“Her point was that if we only focus on equality, we'll only end up achieving assimilation. While that's still a form of progress, there's a blatant cognitive dissonance in associating 'queer liberation' with access to straight white institutions.”