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ashlightgrayson 's review for:
challenging
informative
tense
I have really complicated feelings about this one. First, I'd like to commend David Bennett for his bravery and honesty. He exposes very intimate details about how he distanced himself from Christianity for a while. He became a gay activist and eventually ended up finding his way back to Christianity. His journey back to Christianity is somewhat convoluted, though. He goes from having a more liberal view on sex to believing that celibacy is the only way to have a true relationship with Jesus. He breaks off potential romantic relationships because of this conviction.
I respect Bennett's own personal navigation of this. It was brave of him to write this book at all. However, I take issue with his consistent tone of self-loathing almost. . He comes off as self-hating even when he doesn't mean to be. This is especially in context of his original beliefs which were per page 32:
All I knew was that I was gay, didn't choose it, and that the God represented by many Christians could not be an all-loving, all-powerful creator. How could he allow my fundamental human desire for romantic companionship to be directed toward the same sex and then reject me because of it? My unchosen desire was incompatible with the term righteous, so I was hopelessly stuck in the "sinful" category.
There is another segment on page 128 that displays his change of opinion as follows:
I didn't want to face the reality that marriage might never be mine. It was so incredibly hard. But to follow Jesus, I had to let this dream die.
He states that he doesn't advocate for what others should do, but his writing style implies otherwise. He is essentially stating that he believes that he must self sacrifice in order to follow Jesus. This is odd theologically to me as someone who also identifies as a queer Christian because the Bible consistently talks about how Jesus had to sacrifice himself so that we wouldn't have to. It's also surprising that this ends up being his stance since he is a survivor of reparative/conversion therapy. I do not agree with his position, but I respect his right to have it. He mentions his own struggles with being accepted within the LGBTQ+ community on page 186 as follows:
...the gay rights movement isn't always interested in the rights of all gay people but rather in the rights of the majority who believe in same sex marriage.
And then continues later in the next paragraph:
When celibate gay Christians choose to share publicly in the church, we are bombarded from all sides. We are asked to justify and explain ourselves. The constant questioning and pressure is exhausting.
A lot of these statements feel contradictory. On one hand, Bennett is an advocate for gay rights for all, but he is actively advocating against the better interest of the LGBTQ+ community. He seems to understand where this majority of the LGBTQ+ community he speaks of comes from because he was an atheist gay pro-LGBTQ+ advocate. However, he doesn't seem to have the ability to empathisize enough with their stance to not see himself as a victim of discriminatory practices. It is unfortunately hard to not have his personal doctrine still riddle with homophobia as a result.
On a more positive note, I do appreciate Bennet's discussion of romantic love being valued over platonic love both in church circles and the secular world. here are some of the quotes I appreciate from the text:
Page 114:
Even in my church, friendship seemed secondary to romantic love. It seemed like everyone had been reading Jane Austen more than the New Testament, or watching nineties rom-coms more than the work of the Spirit.
Page 192:
Both in the gay community and in the church, what seemed to matter most to people was fulfillment in a partner. Singleness was second-class. The sense of displacement I had felt at the Mardi Gras after-party wasn't that different from what I felt on Sunday. Both situations seemed idolatrous.
The overemphasis on marriage made it terribly difficult, as a gay man wrestling with my sexuality, to flourish in the young adult community at my church. When the focus was on God's kingdom, I could belong, but as soon as romantic relationships were the focus, I felt alienated. I often wanted to run out of meetings in tears.
Page 219:
The church must be able to admit its weaknesses and moral failures, or else those who are gay, are celibate, have gender dysphoria, or identify as trans will simply not be able to belong. Any pride that shelters homophobia or infers heterosexual superiority is a sinful deterrent to LGBTQI people and has hindered the witness of the church. We need honesty, bravery, and openess to find the way of Jesus through this.
I identify as aromantic asexual and can relate to this alienating feeling. Romantic relationships take priority, whether in the secular or religious context. It really diminishes the importance of platonic relationships. In the church specifically there is also an over-sexualization of platonic relationships between people of the opposite gender, but that's a separate issue not addressed in this book.
I would not call this book an enjoyable read per se, but it was interesting. I think Bennet's personal story is interesting, but I would not recommend it to anyone who already feels depressed or is a self-hating gay person in a church community. I think it definitely would do more harm than good. It's going to be a 2/5 for me.