4/5 (audiobook)

~TW: Drug use, addiction (opioids and heroin), self-deprecation, overdose, car accident~

I went back and forth on this book for a while, part of the reason it has taken me so long to create this review. Initially, I was mad at it: mad at the characters, mad at the writing, mad at the predictability. But the more I sat and thought about the impact this book left on me, the more appreciation I gained for it. This book creates such a realistic, raw, honest depiction of what addiction can do to someone, and because of that, I changed my initial 2.5/5 rating to a 4/5 rating.

Mickey Catalan's character is so blunt and real and complex that I had a hard time making sense of her. At first, I thought I was going to really dislike her character because of the way she thinks of her addiction along with the way she treats those who care about her. But then I put into perspective the realness of this story and how it captures the mindset and thought process of an individual fighting with addiction. She became a character that I found myself rooting for. I wanted her to succeed, and I wanted to see her beat the addiction she was fighting so hard against.

The theme of friendship is valuable throughout this story, as well. I think that the tension between Mickey and her teammates shows the rawness of addiction and how it can deteriorate relationships very quickly. I also feel like the relationships Mickey built with the other users told what it was like to find a friend in addiction. The relationships felt fabricated, forced, and not authentic. The only factor that seemed to tie Josie, Derek, and Luther to Mickey was the use of drugs. They did not really seem to have much else in common, nor did they seem interested in learning more about each other (aside of Luther and Mickey having a mini love interest).

I also really enjoyed the way that Mindy McGinnis started each chapter off with the definition of a word that related to the chapter. This is unique and really intriguing for a bibliophile and word lover like myself.

The one part I am really annoyed with is the predictability of the injuries from the car accident for both Mickey and Carolina: an arm injury for the pitcher and a leg injury for the catcher...who would have guessed. And also the part about all of Mickey's user friends dying but she does not because she happened to have some leftover heroin from the guy she knew...But I can look past that :)

I would love to chat with people about this book because I feel like I have so many more things to say about it, so message me if you have read this!