A few things you should know before you read:
- Kerri Rawson is very midwestern evangelical Christian and the chance to share her testimony is what gave her courage to speak publicly. It’s heavy on the Christiany seasoning.
- The book follows a very standard ghostwritten format so if that style bothers you... heads up.
- Lots of uninteresting and unnecessary details about her childhood in the first half of the book. No big revelations about life with a serial killer dad there.

As far as anyone is able to tell, Dennis Rader was not abused, neglected, or humiliated as a child like so many other serial killers are. It seems that he was born with some brain problem that affects his ability to empathize. He did feel things though: when the family dog died, he cried... etc. Many of his narcissistic traits are honestly not that different from what most middle aged, middle class white dudes would say and do. Of course now we can point them out and say he doesn’t feel things in a normal healthy human experience. But if you didn’t know he was a murderer, you wouldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. His daughter Kerri tries, and succeeds, at making this point: to her, he was her loving, protective dad, and she lost someone that she loved on the day that he was arrested (physically and emotionally lost her dad). Aside from the whole family having to walk on eggshells when Rader was in a bad mood, and him flipping out whenever Kerri or her mom got hurt (was anger a mask for being physically excited at female pain?), he was a good dad. So much of Kerri’s adult life is about processing the grief of betrayal, loss of her family unit, and recognizing that she too is a victim of her father’s crimes.

In fact, this is one of the better points of the book: Kerri’s open discussion of her lifelong struggle with depression and anxiety, as well as postpartum depression and PTSD after her dad was arrested. She talks about how those illnesses manifested in her life, how they affected her quality of life, and some of the treatment and therapies she has done. It is refreshing to hear a Christian talk about mental illness as something that needs to be treated professionally with medication and quality trained therapists. She stresses that prayer and repeating some bible verses like mantras helped her in the midst of panic attacks. But what took away the panic attacks completely was desensitivity/exposure therapy. So maybe if you know a Christian who needs to seek professional help but doesn’t believe in stuff besides praying, this book could be an encouragement towards the right direction.

The other thing this book does very well is humanize Dennis Rader as a person deserving of justice and fair treatment. He did awful awful things. But he is very mentally ill. And a sick person is just as in need of care (even more so?!) as a normal person. Kerri admits that she has moments of anger, sadness, and rage against her father. There are things she cannot tolerate doing, as they are too triggering. But she also has moments of sadness that her dad will never be able to experience life with her anymore, and both of them are missing out on wonderful memories. I could really understand that duality. It’s sad either way. Kerri says at the end that she is working on forgiveness because she doesn’t want to be burdened with bitterness. That is the takeaway for me.