4.5 stars

CW: anxiety, talk of & attempted suicide, death

I feel like I should have a stronger reaction, to be honest. I’ve officially read all three of Adam’s released novels and haven’t shed a single tear. This one definitely broke my heart more than the others, but it didn’t have the same effect on me as it apparently did on everyone else. I’ll chalk that up to my heart of stone, haha.

That aside, this was a brilliant novel. I’ve never really read speculative fiction, but I enjoyed this. It manages to discuss death while celebrating life. It’s dark and heartbreaking but also kind of hopeful, and just really well done.

For protagonists, we’ve got Mateo, a queer Puerto Rican boy with anxiety, and Rufus, a bi Cuban-American boy. They’re very different dynamically, but I ended up loving them both. Mateo is (understandably) terrified and paranoid, while Rufus has mostly accepted what’s going to happen. They help each other develop on their End Day and bring out the best in one another. I liked that Rufus was a photographer.

Normally, romances like theirs that take place so quickly don’t work for me. But it wasn’t insta-love, and I don’t know, their relationship is just the exception. They’re two sweet queer boys about to die, of course I ship them. They were adorable while they lasted. (Too soon?)

I didn’t really understand the whole Death-Cast thing. The story takes place in September 2017; how does anyone know when people will die? I know it’s speculative fiction and an answer to that question isn’t necessary, may not even exist, but I couldn’t help but wonder while I read.

Additionally, I didn’t have anything against the other perspectives, but I have to admit that I didn’t really see their purpose.

I’m not going to say anything specific about the ending, because part of the fun of this novel (for lack of a better word) is finding out if they both do die at the end. This was the saddest, most emotional part of the story for various reasons. Things happened that had to happen and then it was open-ended. I mean, I can guess what happens next, after the story ends, but another paragraph would’ve been nice. Just a tiny bit more to really conclude the story.

So, yeah. I’m not distraught like people said I’d be, but my heart does hurt. And although this novel wasn’t quite as good as I’d hoped, it was still phenomenal and packed a punch. I’ll be thinking about it for a bit, and I’m looking forward to reading what Adam does next.