A copy of the book was provided to Sapphic Book Club in exchange for an honest review.

This book absolutely broke my heart, put it back together and then broke it again. It follows Tracy, a 17 year old lesbian growing up in 60's Texas as she discovers her identity, faces immense homophobia, and reinvents her life in Alaska.

First things first, MAJOR content warning. This book is set in a religious area in the 60's and being any form of queer is very much frowned upon, so there is a lot of homophobia. Additionally, a heavy warning about suicide, and minor warnings for racism, war-related PTSD and general character death.

**** The rest of this review contains spoilers of the general plot (major spoilers are marked individually) ****

The first 60% of this book was so heartbreakingly well written, as Tracy and her brother, Spencer, both are forced to come to terms with their homosexuality, and try to find a way to live with that in their homophobic community. At first they hide their relationships with Pablo, a Mexican pianist, and Ava, a basketballer at school, but when Ava and Tracy are outed, Tracy is chooses to embrace her masculinity, joining the boys basketball team and regularly cross-dressing to earn money to travel to Alaska. During this time, she is also fighting against her father, who wants Spencer to be less feminine, and go fight in the Vietnam War. Just before Tracy leaves for Alaska, Spencer is drafted

and ends up committing suicide

. Tracy leaves, begging her mother to follow her to Alaska after the summer camp is finished. 
I absolutely adored this part of the book. It was beautifully written, showing us all the pain these two teens experienced in their family home. The love Tracy has for Spencer, and eventually for her mother, is portrayed through her actions and the internal conflict she experiences. The pain Spencer experiences is also stunningly written,

both before and after his death

.

The last 40% of the book follows Tracy as she travels to Alaska, meets Jackie, and summaries the rest of her life. This section of the book showed all the wonderful writing of the first section, but it felt <i>rushed</i> I wish this book had been longer, so that we had more time to watch Tracy and Jackie fall in love, and establish their new life together in Alaska. Their love felt especially rushed, they were written like long-term lovers a day after they met, and while I understand that they had this connection that Tracy followed to Alaska, it felt a bit unreal. Secondly, in adulthood their friend Jeff (a gay man) fathers their children, which is really wonderful, but the conception scene is,,,,somewhat questionable.

Supposedly they have sex with him to conceive, which seems unlikely when all three characters are homosexuals who have long accepted their sexualities.

Despite these issues I had with the last half, I still loved the book. It had me sobbing ugly tears over these characters and the things they experienced, and I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in it.