*Updated with trigger warnings added*

I do not want to write this review.

So many people love this book, and I'm so glad for them. I'm so glad so many people can enjoy this book and find it meaningful. Hey, maybe even some ace kid like me will read it and feel good about themself because they can see themself in Nancy. I would be so glad for that hypothetical ace kid. This book would have served a good purpose. I have no amosity against Every Heart a Doorway. If someone who loved this book is reading my review, I love you (no matter who you are) and I'm so glad you enjoyed this book more than I did.

But. That was not me. I didn't enjoy it.

I had a nice long review written out in a notebook for this book. I was going to post it. But I didn't. It went into too much detail and it might hurt the feelings of people who loved this book.

So let me get this over with as soon as possible instead. Instead of a long critical review of Every Heart a Doorway, let's try a nice succinct list:

6 Reasons Why I Was Disappointed by Every Heart a Doorway

• Nancy has no personality except what the world she went to gave her. This is extremely problematic because, since she's ace, it makes her look like asexual people are so bland they have to go to a fantasy world to get any personality. Even after going to the fantasy world, she only has three personality traits: 1) she likes to stand still, 2) she doesn't eat much, and 3) she only wears black and white.

• Miss Eleanor is a horrible headmistress. Honestly, she knowingly lets a student dissolve a dead body in acid

• I was expecting this book to be about kids going to a school to get over the magic world's they went to and adjust back to the real world. Nope. That didn't happen at all.

• I was expecting a whimsical fairytale like book, not a boarder-line horror novel.

• There is needless violence against animals. It serves absolutely no purpose.

• Nancy is really passive. I don't even understand why she's the protagonist. She doesn't do anything except be a token asexual character and stand still while other people get stuff done. She does absolutely nothing to speak of. At all. Thus, the plot kind of sucked because, well, protaonists are supposed to get stuff done.

• I don't understand the logistics of the fantasy worlds or why anyone would want to go to them.

To balance things out:
2 Things I Did Like about Every Heart a Doorway:

• The writing is so beautiful!! Just have a look at this quote:
"You're nobody's rainbow.
You're nobody's princess.
You're nobody's doorway but your own and the only one who gets to decide how your story ends is you."

• Hey, at least it's trying to be diverse and inclusive. That's more than 90% of fantasy books have going for then.

>>TRIGGER WARNINGS: Murder, transphobia, animal abuse<<