Confession: when I began this book, I had no idea it was a memoir. I just jumped into it without knowing anything about it. And I’m a little ashamed to say that it took me a while to get it.

Leaving my stupidity aside, I loved this book. I’d never read anything by Didion (though I’m aware of how important she is in the world of writing), and this maybe wasn’t the book to start with her.

The story opens with John Dunne’s (Didion’s husband of 39 years) death. He had a heart attack while they were preparing dinner, and the paramedics were unable to help him. The rest of the book is Didion’s own recording of her grief and her mourning process. At the same time, she also has to deal with her daughter (Quintana) being very ill. She actually died shortly before the publication of this book and Didion wrote another memoir about her).

Didion’s style is very clean and it almost seems detached at some points. I feel as if she was trying to analyse her process in a manner that sounds very scientific-like. Her pain is her object of study and she goes through a very detailed process in order to understand it. Maybe it’s her way of dealing with that sort of things, and I guess it’s as good as any other.

Despite the book’s simple style and how dry it seems to be, this memoir is also beautiful. In order to understand her suffering, Didion describes her feelings very vividly. It’s hard and complicated, because, as we all know, feelings are tough. I admire the fact that Didion let herself feel that way, and allowed herself to live that pain fully. As she puts it, mourning is a slow process and sometimes you might feel as there’s no way of moving on. But she also shows that is possible. Reading someone else’s account of grieving can be illuminating and it helps to understand a little better how one’s own process will be.

When she talks about her husband, Didion is very nostalgic (as it would be expected). Her memories of their earlier life as a family are woven with her impressions of how it was when he died. Her worries as a mother appear throughout the book. It’s really heartwarming. She doesn’t let her grief overtake her life, and I think it also influenced her mourning’s more private way. In some ways, it is almost as if Quintana’s suffering allows Didion to move one and not dwell in her pain. She clearly knew where her priorities should be and I think it’s very admirable of her to do what she did. She struggled to find strength, but she finally did.

Of course, it goes without saying that this book is well written and enjoyable, even if the topic seems hard. Didion is a great writer and it shows brilliantly. She knew that this book was going to help her through those hard times. And I feel thankful for her bravery.