I still don't know how I felt about this book. It depicts unhealthy relationships, adultery, a large amount of unconfortable heterosexual sex, misoginy, conensual non consent and a unwell and unhinged main character. 
When I started the book I thought it was going one way, but the more I read, the more I realized it was actually going a completely different way. One that I despise, but understand. It was confusing, but I'm pretty certain I understood it after all, even though I wish it went a different way.