I only finished this insipid book because I picked it for one of my book clubs and felt compelled to lie in the bed that I made.

It was off to a rocky start when the smart-ass protagonist and his friend start mouthing off in the middle of a bank robbery. And they're not the robbers -- they're lying on the floor.

I already knew it was going to be an unrealistic book after that, but I assumed it would have some fun fantasy elements. Instead, Ed (the aforementioned smart-ass) spends the ENTIRE BORING REST OF THE BOOK working on fucking sidequests. It was like an entire novel watching some stupid fuck ignore the main quest so that he could level up, but THERE WAS NO MAIN QUEST. IT WAS JUST HUNDREDS OF PAGES OF ED BEING AN IDIOT.

Don't even get me started on how painful his crush on his best friend was. I literally rolled my eyes every time he talked about her. It was nauseating and stupid. "Why doesn't she love me back" "Why is she so damaged" "No one will love her like I do" "Do any of her boyfriends notice the way her skin sparkles in the light" GROW UP ED.

And then the ending. What in the literal fuck was that ending. An unnamed man just appears on his couch and says that he wrote the entire story just to see if Ed was capable of overcoming his ordinariness and being kind to people.

I can't figure out if that was supposed to be Zusak and it was fourth-wall-breaking ending, or if it was supposed to be God, but either of those endings are so unsatisfactory that I'm just hoping I've missed something.

But mostly I just feel like I've missed two and a half hours of my life that I can't get back.