This book comes with trigger warnings for self-harm, cutting, depression, and a suicide attempt. For people who have faced the mental health battles that Hutchinson has, these trigger warnings are necessary and I appreciate them immensely.

"I wasn't depressed because I was gay. I was depressed and I was gay."

We meet Sean first as a ninth grader who, when caught unaware, lies to his classmates about losing his virginity to a girl. Perhaps this is the beginning of his acting career. From then on, Sean acted his way through high school, even when he wasn't on the stage with the drama department or with the debate team.

Even after coming out in high school, Sean's toxic ideas of the gay community led him to continue acting, trying to fill the role he thinks so that people (his parents, college kids, boys) will like him. Growing up as gay in the 80s and 90s was a different experience for most than it is for teenagers today. Studies show that the passing of national same sex marriage laws have dropped LGBT youth suicide rates by significant margins. The stigma about HIV/AIDS and mental health care, while holding strong in many areas, is beginning to fade in others. Hopefully LGBTQ children today are not growing up with the same damaging media representations that Hutchinson saw in magazines and on screens. His book does a lot to help with that.

It feels so easy and authentic to be in Sean's head for these 300+ pages. The journey feels brief and Sean's inner voice (and actual voice in the audiobook) will resonate with teens today and adults, especially those who are envisioning their own futures as LGBTQ adults and building their own queer identities.

It gets better, you just have to be around to see it. Keep working for it, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

** For parents and teachers - This book talks openly and honestly about sexual attraction. It also talks sarcastically and irreverently about negative opinions and stereotypes about the gay community, often dropping words like "dicks" and "orgies" to do so. There are multiple curse words, fitting with Sean's particular teenage voice and his struggles. This book isn't for those who are easily offended by an authentic discussion of sexuality or sex. No encounters are described in graphic detail, but Sean does mention having sex for the first time in the back of a Mustang and being groped and having awkardly timed erections. It's not a book I'd read in a book club with my mother or with my junior high students, but it needs to be available to high school students dealing with depression and or their identities as LGBTQ people. It's an important book and it's real. **