So, here's the thing. I don't mind sex scenes in books. Even relatively graphic sex scenes and even in YA books. I'm not a fan of erotica, because those books seem to have very little substance for the most part, in my opinion. But I don't normally get squeamish reading scenes of a sexual nature, as long as they are well-written. This book, in my opinion, is not.

I really wanted to like this book. I liked the premise and from that and the title I was expecting a fun and quirky romance with likable characters. Unfortunately that did not happen for me.

What I liked:

1. The premise when I first read the synopsis. Nerdy boy and popular girl fall in love? Okay. Sign me up!

2. Pen's narrator. I listened to this on audiobook, and I thought the lady voicing Pen's chapters did a nice job.

3. It was a quick read.


What I didn't like:

1. The *execution* of the premise of the book. I felt like this didn't work for a variety of reasons that will get their own shout-out, but needless to say I didn't feel like this book achieved its goal for me, unless it was to make readers roll their eyes and cringe.

2. Benedict's narrator. Ugh. This guy is just not good. He is the same actor who narrated all the Miss Peregrine books and I didn't like him then either. His voice is nasally and he has strange inflection when he speaks. Plus any time he tries to do any other accent or, heaven forbid, a female voice, it's just bad.

3. The normalization of abuse. Pen's mother and father have physically abusive arguments on several occasions. This is never called out as being fucked up. It is told very candidly, as if that's just what happens sometimes with a shoulder-shrugging 'Oh well!' kind of attitude. Even at the end, when you would hope there would be some growth...nope, not really. We're basically told that they (especially her mother) are just misunderstood and that they really love each other so much and blah, blah, blah. It's kind of sickening, actually, when throughout the entire book their relationship is painted as being abusive on both sides and then it flips and we're supposed to believe they are deeply in love. And the reveal we get about Pen's mom? It doesn't explain or make up for the terrible things she says or does. In fact, it makes them more inexplicable and indefensible in my opinion. It also felt very forced, like the author wanted to redeem this mother somehow and didn't know how to go about it.
Also, Paul (Pen's bf) is physically abusive and emotionally controlling over Pen. Her describing their sexual encounters is incredibly disturbing. It's been a couple of weeks since I read the book, so I don't recall what, if any, comeuppance he gets for his douchebaggery, but it wasn't enough.

4. Benedict's father. For someone who is supposed to be a renowned psychologist, Benedict's father is really out of touch. He's incredibly sexist, literally saying that women are not as good as men and telling Benedict that he doesn't have to listen to his mom on certain subjects. Then he calls Pen a whore. it just doesn't ring true to people I've known in that field. Also, he is another character who stays static throughout this novel. Which brings me to my next point of dislike...

5. All of the characters are caricatures. Not one of them has any real depth. Even Pen and Ben are pretty flat for me. I could go into detail, but many of the points could be spoilery. Plus, I didn't hate this book enough while I was listening to it to 'hate read' it to the point that I took copious notes, and since I listened to it on audio I didn't have a copy I could go through and mark with stickies or anything.

6. Benedict. Some of this could be linked to the voice actor, but I hated how robotic he sounded. At first, it felt like the writer was trying to go for a Sheldon Cooper type of character - honest to a fault, unaware of his own awkwardness, etc. But I felt like the problem was that Benedict just isn't likable. I don't know if I can actually pinpoint what it was, but he really rubbed me the wrong way, which is strange, because I usually like the nerdy guys.

7. The 'romance' and sexual content. Alright, here we go. I thought this was so poorly-executed. These characters have almost nothing in common and barely interact before the weekend they meet up at the ski lodge. They have about five minutes worth of conversation (okay, I'm exaggerating. It was one day. One. Day.) before they jump into having sex and telling each other they love each other. Maybe it's not technically insta-love because they'd known each other for awhile, but going from indifference to love in the course of a day? That's insta-love.
Also, the sex scenes were so incredibly cringeworthy. So, so bad. There was absolutely no subtlety in the writing and the fact that the characters were having these awkward conversations in the middle of sex was just...no. Not sexy, not quirky...just cringy. Also, I felt like for a YA book, this was too graphic. It should be noted that this book is probably not appropriate for readers under a certain maturity level. I don't want to put an age on it, because not all 15 year olds have the same level of maturity, but just be aware that there is some really graphic sexual content.
Just a note. I didn't have a problem with the idea of the scenes of Pen's masturbating and talking about it, but again, there was absolutely zero subtlety. And even then, it felt like the author was trying to construct a reason for Pen to be so secretive and hide her true character and opinions...it just didn't track for me. Just because you don't want everyone knowing you like to masturbate doesn't mean you have to lie about every feeling and opinion you have. It didn't make sense. And her acting like she's the only girl in history who has ever masturbated got really old. Just because girls aren't running around talking about it doesn't mean it's not happening.

8. The writing. The writing is simplistic in a bad way. There is no subtlety to any of the more intimate subject matter. And the one actual sex scene is long and drawn out, with some of the most cringeworthy dialogue I've ever heard/read.

I could go on and on, and if I'd actually read a physical copy of this book I probably would. I will not pick up anything else by this author.