(I received a free eARC from Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.)

I actually had to take a break in the middle of reading this because it struck home — not just close, but all the way. As in, I recognized very specific thoughts and behaviors that I’ve noticed but never considered in an ASD context, and I just felt seen and understood in a way that I never have before.

No one ever does seem to talk about all the complexities of being a girl on the spectrum: the specific challenges boys don’t face, the difficulty of being diagnosed in the first place, the extra social obstacle that it often is in a world where women in particular rely on interpersonal skills, the vulnerability to other types of harm (specifically, self-harm and toxic relationships). And that’s all on top of the universal difficulties, the stigma, the disadvantages of living in a world built for neurotypical people.

The anecdotes and analogies used are well-chosen, making each point accessible to a diverse audience. O’Toole also makes some effort to address intersectionality — considering the numerous other complexities addressed and the space it would take to address the nuances, it’s adequate, but by no means comprehensive or revolutionary; she does a better job with the broader feminist angle. My biggest concern is the gendered use of heels and pink to symbolize females, especially considering that the author acknowledges in-text that there are so many ways “spectrum girls” can choose to demonstrate (or not) our relationship to femininity, and that biologically-female Aspies might not even identify as such.