Book safety, content warnings, and tropes & tags down below.

While I was intelligent, and smart about the ways of life way too early in my youth, I wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle it.

I’m having a difficult time figuring out how to rate and review this book. I liked both characters, liked their story, the plot, all of it. I guess I just didn’t connect with them as much emotionally? I kinda felt like a spectator, and not like I was a part of their journey. Hopefully that makes sense. I think it’s a great book, it just didn’t hit me in the feels as much as I wanted.

While I wanted him, I had enough respect for him to not approach him as a minor. Apparently, it didn’t matter that I had the brain of someone older than thirty.

One thing I absolutely love about this book tho, is that the ‘problematic’ aspects are properly addressed. You can actually notice the development in the relationship, the change into something that is healthier by the end. I adore that the MCs go to therapy, both individually and together. They acknowledge that Levi used sex in an unhealthy way in order to avoid dealing with emotional trauma. If it wasn’t for these things, and the fact that Levi is mentally way older than his actual age, this book would’ve given me a very different feeling (the icky kind). And yes, Levi is an old soul in many ways, but he’s also emotionally childish sometimes, which is very understandable, considering his life experiences. It was also probably a good choice to make Mr. Carter flawed as well. He didn’t feel like this older man that had everything figured out. Sure, there’s a serious power imbalance at play here, but they felt more like equals, especially by the end.

I let him rant as my heart filled with joy and lust while I fixed his poor hair again. There was this need in me to take care of him as much as I needed someone to take care of me. I bet he needed someone to love him and do nice things for him. I could definitely be that man.

Overall, it’s a well written taboo story that was handled sensitively, which resulted in it not feeling very taboo by the end. I liked it a lot. I didn’t *love* it, because it kinda felt like it stayed at a surface level, when I wanted to be dragged deeper and really feel with the characters. Still a very strong story.

The reasoning behind his need for a daddy should have terrified me and had me running. This wasn’t simply a kink he had. It was more deep-rooted than that.

Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️

⚠️ Tropes & tags ⚠️
Student/advisor
Age gap (18/37)
Past trauma
Daddy/boy (mostly in the bedroom)
Found family
Forbidden/secret relationship
Mild taboo
Co-dependency

⚠️⚠️ Content warning ⚠️⚠️
Explicit sexual content
Child abuse
Forced prostitution
Bullying
Co-dependency
Attempted rape
Sexual assault
Grooming
Pedophilia
Rape
Homophobia
Child prostitution
Kidnapping
Stockholm syndrome (not between MCs)
Graphic violence

(Most of these things are off page or recalled in few details, but are still a large part of the book. The attempted rape, kidnapping and graphic violence are on page and detailed)

⚠️⚠️⚠️ Book safety ⚠️⚠️⚠️
Cheating: No
OM drama: No
Third-act breakup: No
POV: 1st person, dual POV
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile

I sensed life with Levi would be a lot of push and pull when it came to boundaries and giving in to him or not.

“No moaning, brat. This is your punishment.” “Yes, Mr. Carter.”

“My tree! My poor, poor tree.” I wiped my tears of laughter as I watched my poor guy sit on the floor and sigh holding a crushed ornament as if it was his crushed soul. “This is why I can’t have nice things.”

Everyone has their preferences in what they find attractive.” “Yeah, but my preferences stem from trauma.”

“We aren’t having sex and I’m not going to spank you.” “But I need you.” I cupped his face to get him to focus. “Levi, you need to stop relying on sex to distract you from pain. It’s time you faced it. We’ll face it together. We should be having sex for pleasure and that we love each other, not to take you away to a place and not face the things you need to.”

He turned forty a few months ago, and he was quite grumpy about it, but I found it adorable. I had a coffin cake made and covered the house in black balloons and streamers. I got a lot of glorious spankings for that one.