This is a phenomenal memoir. Tobia intentionally and successfully disrupts the genre of “trans memoir” that’s historically gained small traction, a “born in the wrong body” narrative about an individual who transitions and happily conforms to the gender binary. And Tobia is clear in stating that there is nothing wrong with that trans narrative, and that it’s valid and good and some people’s experience, but that can’t be the only story, or only framework through which we understand transness. In this thoughtful and hilarious memoir, Tobia discusses triumphs and trauma, and frankly dismisses the notion that trans people need to share a nonstop-traumatic story to be valid. I hope it’s acceptable to look up to someone who’s younger than you, because Tobia captivated me with their passionate activism, their vulnerability and strength. (How weird is it to get steadily older and then suddenly find that people younger than you are publishing memoirs you want to read?)⁣
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I’m still processing a lot of personal thoughts and feelings that came up for me reading this book. Gender is such a big complex topic, and I especially appreciated the way Tobia discusses how they’ve been both hurt by gender norms but have delighted in gender expression too. Their recollection of advocating for themself at a young age was so precious and powerful, and I love the way they grew up and reclaimed that fire to fight for themself. And it’s so vital how that extends to others, and the dream that future kids like them will grow up in a world more full of acceptance because of the work they and other trailblazers are doing to change culture to its core. ⁣