You know when you finish a book and you immediately want to flip back to chapter one and start it all over again...this is the book.

The reason it took me forever to read was not because I wasn't 100% obsessed with every single word–it was because I didn't want this to be over. I still don't. I finished reading the last pages a little after midnight today and I almost cried so many times.

***beware of major spoilers***

A Darkness at the Door starts off with Rae imprisoned in the hold of a ship with other Snatched children. The story took off immediately and kept me on the edge of my seat. So much happens just in the first 1/4 of the book. I was literally not expecting the Lady to make an appearance, but of course she does and uses Rae for her own motives.

I think my new favourite character has to be Mage Ehelar. The way he saw through Rae's trauma, but was gentle and patient with her. His only intention to help and not harm. It was a nice contrast and a bit of relief after everything Rae had gone through on the ship.

And then Bren shows up with Artemian and Lirika dsjfkdsfjs and the romance begins. Every interaction between Bren and Rae was SO GOOD. I was smiling the entire time and seeing little things like Bren adjusting his walk so Rae can keep up, teaching her certain fighting techniques that would accommodate her foot and her hand, and just being all round amazing and smirky and his usual charming self.

Lirika was such a fun addition to the cast. I loved seeing another female thief in Bren's court. I also loved the scene where she admits that she thought Rae would be some spoiled noblewoman, but instead Rae puts herself at risk and fights just as hard as they do for what she wants. I really felt for her at the end there as she blames herself for what happened to Artemian. But Rae's offer to let her stay at her parent's farm was a nice ending, and then seeing them get together at the end to find the children wrapped everything up perfectly.

ARTEMIAN THOUGH...there is something about an older man adopting a child that is not his that will always get me. I still cannot get over Bren's backstory and how Artemian took care of him and how Bren would go to him when he needed help. It's just so sdjfskfjsdk. ALSO EVERY INTERACTION WITH ARTEMIAN AND THE CHILDREN. He's just a big softie. And I stand by my previous reading update from Thorn (?) where I said he reminds me of Raoul. Just a big softie, who can kill a man and cuddle a child with the same arms dsjfkdsfjsdf. 

My one issue with this book was honestly summed up really well by Sidrah's review. It was Rae's obsession with the "King's Justice" and how everyone should follow "one law" instead of making up their own, even if the "one law" sucks. As Sidrah mentions, this whole logic fit better with Alyrra, and honestly it kind of reminded me of the commentary we get in Babel. The idea that revolution or change needs to be done through the law, through gentle conversations and discussions, versus violence. I could understand Alyrra wanting to follow the law, especially as a white person in a position of power. But Rae...Rae who has seen how the law has failed, what the Circle has been allowed to do unimpeded...Every time she has asked for help from Alyrra or Kestrin they've told her their hands are tied because they can't oppose the Circle. If anything, it would have made sense for Rae to realize the law can't help and sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Which in a way she does do for a lot of this book, but at the end she defaults to the law again. The only way I can understand it is that some form of violence and resistance needs to occur in order for the law to be changed for the better. I just think it's a bit difficult to accomplish something like this when the entire country knows the King and his law have failed them, and are unaware of the extent of the Circle's crimes and what has been done to rectify the issue. It's difficult because you can't exactly tell all the nobles that Rae took down the Circle so they could be replaced, BUT when you think about it, Rae was wrong and the law couldn't do what needed to be done, so she had to take care of the Circle outside of the law. I just think there were a lot of contradictions with Rae's logic about the law and justice. She didn't seem to follow the morals she preached, and did judge people who took matters into their own hands, mainly Bren, who was doing his best to create a law that protected his people, even if it was more bloody than she would have preferred it.

While I love Bren and Rae together (they're literally my fav couple ever), I do think him giving up the mantle of Red Hawk was a little sad, though I guess Rae does confirm he would have done it anyway and was not doing it for her (I still feel he probably did it for her lol). I would not have mind if Red Hawk became a spy or someone who works behind the scenes to help the Crown do the work that needs to be done but can't be done openly. I think that would have fit better. While we still get Bren working to catch the Snatchers and find the children, he does it with more authority and support from the King. And this makes Rae happy and agree to marry him because they now have shared values: aka the King's law should be the only law. I don't know how to feel about all of this, even though I really loved the book and the ending. It was a perfect fairytale like ending, especially after all the stress of this book.

I also wanted to talk a little about disability rep. I think my favourite scene ever was Rae admitting to Bren that she sometimes uses a cane at home on the farm, and then he gives her TWO pretty canes to choose from dsfjsdkfj. And at the end, on her sweetening, she decides to bring her cane because she knows at the end of the night she might be more exhausted and will need the support the cane can provide. It was so nice to see Bean just grab the cane, no questions asked. 

(While not exactly the same thing, I remember going to a wedding once and the bride chose to wear glasses. People commented on why she didn't wear contacts, but I loved how she decided to ignore what people would say and wear something that was comfortable for her, especially for a long day of celebrating.)

Rae learns to love and respect her body. She realizes she is more capable than she was raised to believe. And I appreciated the conversation she has with her mother at the end, where her mother apologizes for limiting Rae and what she can do with her life, how they only wanted to protect her, but by doing that, they prevented Rae from becoming who she is.

This is a perfect segue into family. I literally almost cried so many times because of anything related to family. Bren's backstory. Artemian's backstory was just dsjfslkfjs. Any time he was playing with the children made me want to sob. And then we have Rae and her family. I'm so used to seeing family who don't support the main character or are mostly absent for the entire book, but Rae's family is always there. When Niya showed up to protect her older sister knowing the risk she was taking sdfjsdklfjslk Rae's anguish and screams when Niya is taken away almost broke me. When Rae sees her mother and Melly again. Anytime Rae and her mother talk. It was so nice to see Rae's mom try to understand what Rae has gone through and how much she's changed since Sheltershorn. It was sad seeing Niya leave, but I'm glad that she gets to start her own life somewhere where she'll be safe and be able to nurture and grow her Talent. It was a perfect ending, though I will admit, I also loved the idea of Niya and Rae always being there for each other.

The ending was intense and fast and anxiety-inducing lol. Things were tied up pretty well, which made for a happier ending in a way.

The last few chapters did feel like additions to what could have been the end of the book. They were nice and sweet moments, that I appreciated seeing, but did add to the length of the story. 

My absolute favourite scene was Rae proposing to Bren and then having the conversation about babies dsjfkdsjfksd. I love a world where magical vasectomies exist. Every world with magic should have reversible vasectomies so those of us who have uteruses don't have to go through the horrible side effects of birth control.

I really appreciated a main character who doesn't want children. THIS IS SO RARE TO SEE IN BOOKS. It's like everyone gets into a relationship and immediately thinks BABIES. But Rae wants to be just Auntie Rae, and not have kids of her own. And Bren's reasoning being that he never really grew up with parents and wouldn't know how to parent was a very realistic reason. I don't think many people think that far ahead when planning a family.

THE LAST CHAPTER THOUGH AND FINDING SERI DSJFLSDFJS I ACTUALLY SHED TEARS BECAUSE THIS WAS SUCH A NICE WAY TO CIRCLE BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE THEFT OF SUNLIGHT. We end off with hope that maybe Kirrana will be found one day too, and other families will be reunited with their children one day. Such a great way to end off a book.

Overall, this book gets a 4.5/5 stars. Still one of my favourite reads of 2022. I cannot wait to get my special edition and be able to read it again.