Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC!

Hyeseung Song's "Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl" is a poignant exploration of the American Dream's illusions, the harsh realities faced by immigrants, and one Asian American woman’s realization that she doesn’t need to be perfect. Through evocative prose, Song invites readers into her world, where the pursuit of perfection and acceptance often clashes with the complexities of her Korean American identity.

From the outset, Song's narrative captures the feeling of invisibility she experienced growing up in Texas, where her parents built a custom home in an up-and-coming subdivision. Despite her efforts to please those around her, especially her Umma, Song's childhood was marked by a lack of support and resources, common struggles among immigrant families. Song's poignant observation, “I heard and saw everything, as immigrant children are not shielded from much; in some cases, they are the shields themselves,” encapsulates the heavy burden of parentification many immigrant children bear.

Song's memoir is deeply introspective, offering readers a window into her parents' lives in Korea and how their past shaped their American experience. The family's financial struggles culminate in bankruptcy and the loss of their dream home, forcing young Hyeseung to navigate poverty and racial discrimination in a new predominantly white, middle-class community. This section of the memoir is particularly powerful, highlighting the resilience and adaptability required of immigrant children.

As Song matures, her struggle to balance Korean and American cultural expectations becomes more pronounced. The memoir delves into the patriarchal norms of Korean culture and the weight of her mother's expectations, which haunt her well into adulthood. Song's journey through high school and her time at Princeton is marred by racial microaggressions and a profound sense of being misunderstood. Her decision to take a year off from Princeton in search of a softer life reflects her ongoing quest for self-discovery and respite from the pressures of perfection.

The narrative reaches a critical point when Song moves to Korea at her parents' insistence during her gap year. Here, she feels lost between two cultures: “America or Korea: both countries claimed me, both rejected me. What, then, was the method by which I should choose and believe?” This sense of displacement, coupled with her severe depressive episodes, paints a vivid picture of her mental health struggles. 

After returning to and graduating from Princeton, Song's battle with her mother's expectations leads her to Harvard Law, a path that exacerbates her mental health issues. Song's candid account of her suicide attempt and hospitalization is both harrowing and brave, shedding light on the stigma and challenges of mental illness within immigrant communities. Her eventual decision to leave law school, supported by her partner Nate, marks the beginning of her healing journey. Song's realization that survival and thriving may require going "off script" is a powerful testament to her resilience and determination to forge her own path.

Throughout the memoir, Song's writing is rich with descriptive language, vivid imagery, and metaphor, painting detailed pictures of both physical landscapes and emotional states. Her contemplative tone and reflective insights make this memoir a deeply personal and culturally resonant read. Themes of identity, belonging, and the tension between cultural worlds are explored with nuance, highlighting the conditional nature of love and acceptance within family and society. The memoir also delves into the power dynamics shaped by whiteness and the struggle for individuality amidst cultural and familial pressures. "Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl" is a compelling and heartfelt journey of self-acceptance, cultural reconciliation, and one woman’s reckoning with her mental health. Thank you, Hyeseung, for sharing your story!

📖 Recommended For: Readers who resonate with introspective and evocative memoirs, those interested in the immigrant experience and mental health, anyone who values stories about navigating cultural identity and family expectations, fans of intimate and reflective writing.

🔑 Key Themes: The Immigrant Experience, Parentification and Family Dynamics, Mental Health and Bipolar Disorder, Cultural Identity and Belonging, Navigating Perfection and Self-Acceptance.