The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket
Genre: Middle Grade
Short Summary: The Baudelaire orphans are adopted by their evil relative, who wants to steal their fortune.
My rating: 2 stars

Plot:

Well, that was convoluted and contrived as heck.

Spoiler

Violet got out of marrying Olaf just by signing with her left hand? Really?

Not very interesting at all and the antagonist's motives are very generic.

Characters:

Literally all the characters only have one personality trait each: Violet likes to invent stuff, Klaus likes to read, Sunny likes to chew things, (because that is obviously an extremely compelling personality. I know she's a baby, but still, chewing things is portrayed as if it's a personality trait.), Olaf is evil, Justice Strauss is kind. No one has any depth or backstory or motivation for doing things or anything.

Writing:

I've never read such condescending writing. To see what I mean, here are a few quotes:

the kitchen grew cozy as the sauce simmered, a culinary term which means “cooked over low heat.”

It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between “literally” and “figuratively.” If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it’s happening. If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance, it means you are leaping in the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy that you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters.

"The world 'nupital,'" Klaus said, "means 'relating to marriage.'"

Those aren't isolated incidents, either; it sounds like that throughout the book. I know it's for young readers, but still, I'm sure even small children usually know what 'simmer' means.


Other:

1. There's a minor character in this book who is always described as looking "like neither a man nor a woman", and on one occasion, this person is refered to multiple times as "it" and is also called "a creature", although it was made clear that this is a person. So apparently, if some kids can't immediately assign you a binary gender upon looking at you, they have a right to dehumanize you. I don't think I need to spell out how problematic this is

2. On a positive note, I listened to the audiobook, and the narration was really good -- possibly some of the best audiobook narration I've ever heard.

Would I recommend it? Heck no. Maybe the audiobook, but not likely.

Read first time: 2014 (?). Hardcover
Read second time: January 2021. Audiobook