I set out to read Infinite Jest in a month, and I read Infinite Jest in 26 days and some change.

Mostly I wanted to read it because of spite: one time a man with pretensions of intelligence bragged to me not even that he had read it, but simply that he owned a copy, and since then it percolated in my mind that I should read it if only to be able to soundly one-up any future men who wanted to waste my conversational time in such a way.

But I chose to read it now, specifically, because this year has been personally horrid, and I wanted to give myself up to something that would get me out of my feelings and into my head in the service of achieving something and instilling in me a renewed sense that I can do whatever the fuck I want. And let me tell you, in that way, reading Infinite Jest worked. I found it a deeply satisfying project to undertake, and anything I felt while reading it was a product of the text itself.

My takeaways are that it’s not as difficult as people make it out to be (read House of Leaves and then talk to me about footnotes, you wimps), though it does demand attention and intentionally tests the reader’s patience. DFW presents some beautifully-articulated ideas and interesting characters, but far too often undermines himself with his own misogyny and weird hangups about trans women (that no one ever talks about??). It’s maybe one of my favorite books that I often didn’t even enjoy that much, and I kind of feel like I’ll never stop thinking about it.

So, I did it! Promise not to be the girl version of That Guy who tells every woman he encounters to read it.