I predicted I would return to Maya MacGregor’s work again! They are an author of several YA-specific specialties—namely, indecisively paranormal stories, and writing troubled but fleshed-out nonbinary teens. Will’s story isn’t really meant to be enjoyed, at least not most of it, but I liked this book more than it’s predecessor (“The Many Half-Lived Lives Of Sam Sylvester”). Maybe I could technically say I enjoyed some parts, such as Will finally being able to live outside of hyper-vigilance enough for them to get to focus on some less pressing matters…like their blossoming crush on a friend that I am conveniently excluding the name of, and being able to experience some of the fun things they never got to have growing up(like hosting a sleepover, and going back to school shopping). I am glad they got to have a happy ending. I was worried sick for them a lot of the time.

I can’t say whether it would’ve been better to have a physical copy on hand—I used a librofm credit, and that slowed my pace a bit, which gave some of the harder scenes some teeth to sink into my memory. But I will say that the narration brought a bit of life to all the characters. Will’s self-loathing was sometimes tedious(it could be repetitive. And I live with people who think like that), but I was able to clearly hear their anger and grief. There were a lot of moments in the book dissecting Will’s lack of closure due to Francis’s death, and that was interesting but difficult to listen to.

(This is a really specific footnote, but I also think awkward joy, and wistfulness were narrated well. I dunno. I don’t have much else to say, this is what happens when I lose my self control for a month or two and listen to yet another audiobook narrated by an obvious fave. Am I even qualified to leave feedback?? Someone shut me up) (and completely unrelated, last narration-focused comment. send help. i am never going to read “yaas” text messages the same way ever again.🧍)

I loved how much nuance there was. None of the characters are perfect people, there’s sometimes clash because of the different kinds of backgrounds everyone comes from, and a couple characters definitely have some biases to unlearn(Hannah being a big one, since she comes from an upper middle class background with a loving family and can’t fully understand Will’s situation). Conflict is something that occurs pretty frequently, because…of course it does, we need physical and emotional stakes, but it’s resolved with a lot of respect and maturity when it’s within the main friend group, even if that resolution takes a few chapters. And still, they feel like teenagers! This is one of the first YA books I’ve read where there’s both a clear and realistic difference between the behaviors of the teenage and adult characters.

And the romance was sweet. It’s paced well(kinda has to be, Will is aspec), doesn’t take away from the focus of the story, and I’m always a sucker for t4t. I just wasn’t as moved by it as other reviewers were, for some reason?? Maybe it had to do with some of the writing flaws(see: next paragraph)?

Stream of consciousness and second-person POV isn’t a combination that’s going to mesh with everyone, especially because some parts are purposefully not grammatically correct(they feel more like dialogue or an unpolished journal entry), but I thought it directly placed the reader into Will’s mind. I liked the sometimes poetic style of writing, too, but I have to admit a couple different ideas got repetitive…

A couple points also docked off for some of the slang/dialogue feeling Strange, the weird paranormal undertones that never got answered, and a particularly strange character introduction(can we have more normal ways to introduce nonbinary characters please??). But this was a surprisingly beautiful story of moving on from abuse and growing past it. I can see myself recommending this to two people max. Haha.