Y’all. I have no idea how to rate this book or start this review. I ranted a bit on Tiktok in a video I haven’t posted yet, in the hopes that someone will come into the comments and help me understand how I’m feeling.

Another creator on TikTok made a video recommending this series. She sold me by saying the MMC cooks food for the FMC because she doesn’t take care of herself or know how to cook. That is so freaking adorable and an absolute dream come true for me personally. I’ve also been reading so many strictly fantasy novels for the past two months that I needed to get some romance back in the mix. I checked my library and they had an audiobook available, so I checked it out and listened to the entire thing in one day.

Beyond this point there will be spoilers, because I just need to voice complaints, and confusion, about what I read. Read on with caution.

In the very first chapter our MMC saves our FMC and in return he demands a sexual favor. To be totally honest at this point I had no idea if this was a fantasy dark romance or not, so I was waiting to see if he had special powers or something.

So. Yeah. He won’t let her leave, and he threatens to kill her if she doesn’t follow his commands. Are we all on the same page? That’s assault right? Obviously when it comes to dark romance there are a lot of things we the reader let slide, but even in other dark romances I’ve read consent (or even consensual non consent) has been a topic between the characters, and something understood by those reading.

This did not give CNC vibes. Maybe it did as the story progressed…but that initial meeting was assault. Our FMC let’s our MMC know she feels that way too as he begins to pursue her in the next few chapters. She fights him verbally and physically every step of the way, until she begins to fall for him. She questions her positive reactions to him, noting how messed up it is to be having these feelings after what happened, which I guess is a redeeming quality for the book but the bar is in hell (that's a tad dramatic, but I didn't know where else to place the bar).

The novel is written in multi POV, focusing on our MMC and FMC, but including additional characters towards the end. We learn from the MMC POV chapters that he knows he’s messed up (and that’s putting it lightly). He admits to being a serial killer in the making, with all the telltale signs from early childhood that his parents and brother have had to deal with. Again, I found this to be a redeeming quality that although he is an absolute psychopath (possibly sociopath or some other personality disorder; I’m not a psychologist so I don’t know the best term) he acknowledges his violent tendencies and his threat to society.

Readers come to the genre of dark romance for plenty of reasons. Taboo fantasies are a cornerstone to this genre. I understand the desire to be with a guy who on paper is dangerous. A guy who pushes you past your boundaries and limits in a way that you crave deep down. I think the sticking point for me in this novel was the initial meeting that resulted in blatant SA.

It also bothered me that our MMC was contradictory in how he reacted. He tells our FMC in the beginning that there is no ‘no’, that he can take what he wants when he wants it. But towards the end of the book he changes his tune and says he knew she actually wanted him that first night, and that’s the only reason he pushed her. Um? Pick a lane. Either there is no ‘no’, or you already had her consent (including consent for CNC).

Without that aspect I could see myself really, thoroughly enjoying this story. An artist falling in love with a potential mafia serial killer? Her seeing him for the killer he is and not shying away but staying by his side? I loved the psychological side of the story, but there was a lot that got in the way of this being a win overall. There was a lot of repetition with words or phrases. There was little to no plot, and almost no stakes, which was bizarre when one character literally wants to kill people for fun. I don’t know how I feel about this book. I don’t know if I should give another one from this author a shot. I just don’t know, and my head hurts, so I’m not going to put any more effort into this review. I’m just going to post it and try to move on to the next.