3.5 stars, might round up to 3.75! I'll see if I want to give it the Fun Rating later. Soapy and sweeping, with all the tropes of a saturated 80's swashbuckling flick that I enjoy: Pirates(although there's not a *ton* of piracy)! Daring escapes and betrayal! Mermaids! Unfortunately, that also included the abruptly intense romance...lol. I'm not a fan of instalove and my last terrible read involved a Fated Mates main couple, so seeing that trope here in a different format was a little less than ideal. (AROGB and Wattpad have ruined me. I'm never going to use the term "soulmates" to describe that trope unless it's outside of a romantasy, am I...)

The queer rep was stereotypical I'll admit, but I liked our comedic relief and bisexual flirt, Santi. Some reviewers like him more than others, but I thought he was fun and I'm glad that towards the end he got to have an emotional layer to him. (Ough and the sad sapphics Juana and Isobel too! At least nobody died! Can't say that for many of those kinds of couples when they're side characters in fantasy stories like these.) I also didn't see his twist coming, so kudos?

There was more telling instead of showing than I would've liked, and I kind of wish the main characters got to have some more depth to them, but: everyone I hated enough to want to see brutally murdered on-page got an appropriate fate(sorry about the trauma for the MCs though, oof), I was surprisingly content to see the main characters have a happier ending after everything they went through, and again, this was a blast. Good popcorn read. Someone pull out one of those vintage cameras sold for thousands of dollars on Ebay, and hire a couple "Princess Bride" fans to help with writing the screenplay. This is probably the nicest review I've written for a book below 4 stars.