I very nearly gave this book five stars. As I was finishing up, I thought about it, but honestly if I have to think about it, that book probably isn't five stars. But this one was close. It's genuinely the first book I've read this year that I've loved (excluding rereads).

A lot of this book is about religion and I think it's important to state right off the bat that I'm not religious. Sam is a pastor's kid and this book deals with a combination of her family issues, a missing girl from her church, and her struggles with faith. It makes up a large section of the book. But despite the faith focus, it's not a book I would shelve in the religious fiction section. It's a book about a girl who is religious, not a religious book. Like the point of the book isn't her finding faith, even if it is a big part of the story. The point of the book is just Sam's character. It's a subtle distinction, but one that I think makes the book readable for people like me who aren't religious.

I would also highly recommend this if you're looking for a YA book that handles religious well. It's never preachy or pushy. Religion is just a part of Sam's life which makes it a part of the book and it's really well done. I think it's easily become one of my favorite contemporaries dealing with religion.

The missing girl storyline was such a weird subplot. It's strange to say, but I almost feel like this book would have been stronger without it. It does have an effect on Sam perspective and life, but I don't feel like it truly changed the story in any consequential way. If it had been removed, I think it largely could have been the same story with a few tweaked details. And I think a little less drama would have helped, if the focus had been solely on Sam's life instead of Sam's life and also this huge hunt for a kidnapped kid. That may have been the main thing keeping this book from being five stars.

I'm not sure how I felt about the ending. I wasn't sure while reading it and now, the next day, it's still a question in my mind. I think it wrapped up too many things and had too much closure. This is a book I could have seen with a more open ending, letting the readers draw their own conclusions. It could have just ended right after the climax. But it kept going and going and there was still a decent amount of book left. I did feel a little negative toward that, but also I liked seeing Sam's life wrap itself up. I liked having answers to all my questions, at least on a surface level. I guess I just think it was too much in such a short period of time and maybe we didn't need all of it.

The list of other things I loved is too long because it was very nearly the rest of the book. I loved Sam's relationship with the youth group leader at her church and how that changed over the course of the book. I loved her overall struggle with being the pastor's kid, and how it was mirrored by her mother's struggle being the pastor's wife. I loved how she didn't feel allowed to question her faith out loud for fear of reflecting badly on her father. I loved her mother's growing role in the book, starting out as completely absent until she's even more present that Sam's physically present father.

I'm sure there were many more, but I thought this book was just spectacular. It's a really wonderful story and I was completely invested the whole time. I'd highly recommend this if you're interested in ya contemporaries that focus heavily on coming of age, family issues, or societal expectation. I wouldn't recommend picking this up based on the fact that it includes a kidnapped girl because it's not a huge focus of the story, and I think that could throw a lot of people off. But for what it is, it's fantastic.