(3.5 stars) Die Hard (1988), Gremlins (1984), Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), Black Christmas (1974)... If you think any of these are just as acceptable Christmas entertainment as the more traditional ones, then maybe Updike's cynical (and often reasonable) musings and Gorey's creepy drawings about the different side of this holiday is for you. Whether you're wondering why Santa Claus is allowed to break in, or you hate the incessant push of trying to make people buy piles of more stuff, it's likely that everyone can relate to one or two thoughts.

The Twelve Terrors of Christmas is the tick in Rudolph's fur, the deadly icicle falling from a roof, the screaming ill-behaving spoiled kid at the department store, and the endless dark winter. Retro Christmas songs will sound even better after reading it. Bring it on, Bing Crosby and fuzzy Christmas socks!

"THE DARK: Oh, how early it comes now! How creepy and green in the gills everyone looks, scrabbling along in drab winter wraps by the phosphorous light of department store windows full of Styrofoam snow."