=content warnings: mentions of attempted molestation and sexual assault, panic attacks, loss of a parent, depictions of grief, death, use of homophobic slurs
representation: queer protagonist with depression and anxiety, queer main character, asian main character

This is a book I found really hard to rate. There were some parts I loved and some parts I really wasn’t wild on, and these emotions could happen within a matter of pages which made it even more confusing.

How it Feels to Float is a YA contemporary following Biz, an Australian teenage girl who is trying to stay above water. She is regularly visited by her dad who died years before, she doesn’t understand where she stands among her friends, and certain events just make everything even more confusing.

If you thought that was a messy synopsis, there’s a reason for that. This is very much so a character-driven book, but a lot of the moments that I would normally put in the description are spoilers so that’s all you get. Sorry.

Out of all my problems with the book, Biz was never one of them. She’s a confusing, frustrating, contradictory teenage girl, and I loved her. This book does fall into the trap of an adult author assuming that teens are still into the things they were into when they were teens (Biz’s favourite book being The Great Gatsby, specifically watching bad 80s romcoms with her friend, etc.), but in my opinion this book remedies that by completely understanding the emotions of a teen, especially a mentally ill teen.

The book is told in the first-person perspective, and I think that not only did that help in understanding Biz as a character but also helped us to see the world through her eyes. She is never diagnosed, but I would definitely say that she has both anxiety and depression. Her mental illnesses mean that she views the world in a certain way and even makes her an unreliable narrator, especially towards the end of the book. I really enjoyed that it explored that aspect of mental illness that is rarely touched upon in books focusing primarily on a character with anxiety and/or depression.

The side characters were also a complete delight. Biz’s Mum and twin brother and sister reminded me so much of my family, and even when they were written to be extremely annoying and unreasonable I couldn’t help but be endeared to them. Biz’s friend Jasper took a second for me to warm up to, but when I did I fell completely in love with the dork.

But my favourite character was easily Sylvia, an old lady Biz meets and befriends early-ish in the book. Sylvia helps and becomes Biz’s friend even when she doesn’t really want her to, and seeing the both of them interact was so sweet. When Sylvia finds out that Biz is vegan she excitedly starts finding tons of vegan recipes so she can cook for her; Sylvia gives her an amazing birthday present that I won’t spoil but it was so touching I nearly cried; just Sylvia in general, with her kindness and lack of filter, was the highlight of the book.

Now, onto the things I didn’t really like. The writing style took a lot of warming up before I started to like it, and even then I still wasn’t a massive fan of it. I can’t quite pin down what it was that I didn’t like it just really didn’t work for me for some reason.

I also wasn’t a massive fan of the direction the plot went in during the last 100 or so pages. I liked where it ended but Biz makes a choice late in the book and I didn’t like where that took the narrative, even if it was important and there were good moments sprinkled in there.

Overall, I thought this was a pretty good debut with an unlikable protagonist I fell in love with, an interesting exploration of mental health and trauma, and a writing style that didn’t work for me. Judging from what I’ve heard, this seems like it would be pretty similar to The Astonishing Color of After, so if you liked that or just generally enjoy contemporaries focusing on mental health, I would recommend checking this out.