This piece of garbage was written by a magazine writer, and it SHOWS. Every other page is a description of an ensemble, or a product placement, or a pop culture reference. Nothing about this book stands on its own merit; even if you edit out all of the ads and name-drops, the plot is still ripped entirely from Buffy the Vampire Slayer - a fact acknowledged IN UNIVERSE by the Buffy!

Unlike Stranger Things' use of nostalgia to ground the show in a particular time and place, or Grady Hendrix's homage to horror being used to highlight the relationships between and struggles of women, THIS beeping book's callbacks only baffled and angered me with their irrelevance. Babysitters Coven takes place in the present day, stars a 17 year old protagonist (meaning she would have been born in 2002, and her teenage pop culture references should have been inspired by the years 2012-2019), and yet said protagonist uses slang and horror references from the 90's and 80's?! Where are the shoutouts to The Vampire Diaries or Paranormal Activity or literally anything The Sitters would have actually seen, and WHY would she ever use the phrase "Gag me with a spoon?!" This was clearly a case of an older author trying to write for a teenager without actually knowing what a MODERN teenager sounds like. Because the protagonist's voice and references are outdated, she fails to give the book any kind of realistic, spooky gravitas, and her references aren't used to reflect upon the era or her coming of age or any broader message, they're just... there.

Know what else is "just there"? LOTS and LOTS of scat jokes! Farts, vomit, periods, pee... just... WHYYY???!!! Who is this book FOR?! The target audience, teenage girls, won't get the references, and will be grossed out by the body "humor". The secondary target audience, older women, won't want their paranormal escapism to come with a side of jock farts; trust me when I say we get enough stinky guy smells in reality! So... this book is for, what, prepubescent girls who might still appreciate toilet humor, but who also recognize 80's and 90's pop culture references? Who is this 10 year old, where are they? And why not - if you want to cater to a young audience - make your babysitters club more appropriately aged, 13 or 14 or something.

Hey, speaking of babysitting, WHAT did that have to do with the plot?! The line between "There is a parallel realm full of demons who eat positivity" and "We demon-hunters ALSO get cash for making sure kids go to bed on time" was never adequately drawn. Kids are sources of positivity, is that what we're going with? Have you never seen a toddler throw a fit? There is a whole fairytale subgenre, the Changeling story, that is NEVER explored in this setup! How did we not get an Orphan situation, or Children of the Corn?! Why were there no possessed babies in this book?!

There COULD HAVE BEEN a story here, with the creatures who drain positivity and leave folks with shame, jealousy, anger, depression... That's LITERALLY what being a teenager feels like, sometimes. Especially, in the case of Esme and Cassandra, teens who suffered losses, or teens who were shuffled through the foster care system, OR teens who don't feel like they fit in at school!!! If you want to write a story about teens, for teens, write a giant metaphor for the teenage experience! It's right there!!!

This book has nothing of value. It says nothing. It is not entertaining in a dumb, fluffy way. It doesn't even function as a good doorstop, because it's so light. And in fact, it was printed poorly, the ink smudged on many pages. And, for no discernable reason, it smells like baby powder? Did someone in marketing think it would sell better if it smelled better? Like trying to lure prospective home-buyers with the smell of fresh-baked cookies? It's a cheap cheat of a book. Pass!