2.5⭐️

I had very different expectations for this book, and to be completely honest, I was let down. I anticipated more of a social commentary on the roles women play in society and relationships. While Smith does touch on these themes, she does so through the very specific lens of her own (seemingly very fresh) divorce, and so I feel we kind of lost the forest for the trees.

Smith’s writing is raw and lyrical, certainly a reflection of her background as a successful poet. I enjoyed the vignette-style story telling, as I often do, and I believe if this book was written in any other format it might have been entirely unreadable.

After reading several reviews since finishing Smith’s memoir, it’s clear that many of us who weren’t captivated by the book share similar grievances, though our reasons vary. The book is undeniably repetitive. While this worked on an "artistic-choice" level for some readers, for me, it just felt like endless repetition. The metaphorical horse couldn’t be beaten any further.

At times, it felt like Smith wasn’t ready to write this book. It read like a woman frantically trying to make sense of what happened to her marriage, but that clarity never really came. She frequently reminds the reader that this isn’t a "tell-all" or even a "tell-some," but rather a "tell-mine." While it’s understood that any memoir offers only the writer’s perspective, this artistic choice came across as taunting and judgmental toward the reader. Smith gives half of a detail, only to then say, "No reader, I won’t give that to you, that’s for me only. Why would you even want to know that?" Instead of being a clever literary device, it felt belittling. For example, she often says things like, "But I won’t use that word here" (after alluding to, say, the word "gaslight") or mentions that she won’t give a detailed description of her children’s reaction to her divorce. It’s confusing—she’s the one who brought it up, so why make the reader feel bad for something they didn’t even ask for? It’s as though she forgot that she’s the writer and has the power to choose what goes into the book, and choose she certainly did.

Her ex-husband certainly sounds like a terrible person. I can’t imagine how I would’ve felt if, after my parents’ divorce, one of them moved hundreds of miles away from me. The inequitable division of labor in heteronormative relationships is a burden many women face, and I’m hopeful that my generation will see a reduction in this issue. The emotional labor of womanhood is undeniable, making it difficult to critique a book about such a specific life event without sounding anti-feminist or victim-blaming. But that’s not my intention. Rather, I feel this book is meant for a very specific audience. As someone whose parents divorced when I was roughly the same age as the author’s children, I expected to gain some interesting insights. Instead, the narrative came across as self-serving and a bit whiny (I’m sorry). I acknowledge that going through a massive life shift like divorce is challenging, yet people do it every day. Smith, however, has the privilege of being a published author with a platform to air her "tell-mine."

Overall, this just didn’t work for me. I’m willing to admit that I might not be in the right place in my life for this book to resonate with me.