I have so many feelings about this book that I'm not sure I can get them all out coherently (and it doesn't help that I've been reading all night and it's nearly 5 am). I was savoring the first two books in this series, taking my time, not reading more than a couple chapters a day. But this book I absolutely could not put down. It was amazing and so incredibly heartbreaking. I'm pretty sure I started crying around page 90 and didn't stop until well after the book ended. (Just kidding, I didn't stop. I'm definitely still tearing up a bit now.)

It's not so much that it's a profoundly sad situation, although it is. I read a lot of sad books and not all of them hit me this hard. It's more the way it's written. White doesn't just say she went thirteen days without food, a doctor asks her when the last time she ate was and she says breakfast, before school. The day she was kidnapped. And the security around her swears. It feels so small and so down to earth that these big dramatic things hit you almost like they're real and happening to someone you know. I had similar feelings about the second book, but that one didn't do more than make me tear up. This might win the award for hardest I've ever cried at a book. (It's at least up there with A Mango Shaped Space.)

The only thing I don't like about this book is the time Meg spends with the terrorist. I honestly found that section a little boring. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with the way it was written or if it's just that I can't connect to scenes like that. But thankfully it was pretty short. I briefly considered knocking it down a star for that and probably would have if it was half the book, but it was only about 50 pages and the entire rest of the book was so intense that it didn't matter.

And when I say it was intense, I'm not exaggerating. I cry on a semi regular basis when it comes to books and will succumb to cheap manipulation by authors, but rarely do I ever get a physical ache in my chest like I did here. It was a lot.

I love love love that this book deals a lot with what happens after the trauma. Like yes the kidnapping is covered, but the point of the book feels more like it's Meg's recovery, Meg dealing with the traumatic events. She has injuries that may not ever fully heal, anxiety, PTSD, extreme exhaustion, and it's all dealt with so well. I'm a sucker for books that are essentially character studies, and this whole series definitely qualifies.

Beyond that, most of my notes are the same from the first two books. The family dynamic is wonderful, although much darker here and in less of the book, as Meg isn't around her family for a while. Meg is still hilarious, although again, this book is a lot darker. And it's still highly intelligent. in a way that forces you to think to keep up. Everything good about the first two books is here and a lot more too.

As always, highly highly recommend.