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capssuds 's review for:
Gate Wars: Upheaval: A LitRPG Novella
by A.E. Williams
I hate to say it, but I believe I must be the one to implant negative judgment upon this book. Yes, it's only 50 pages long, so I shan't mention character development (but yes, you can develop characters in 50 pages, this one didn't).
First off, the writing itself. It constantly flip-flops between present and past tense, which threw me off and it was easily noticed. The voice of the narrator sounds like the author is a beginner, had an idea for a LitRPG, and watched a bunch of Crime Noir films, because Will (our main character) sounds JUST LIKE the detective in a Noir film. The grammar wasn't horrendous, but I did spot a couple mistakes.
Onto the story. Our Characters are Will and his wife, Rachel, two ordinary folk whisked into a video-game world. Will is a science teacher and Rachel is a real estate agent. Neither one of them use these skills in their fights or in this new world. It would have added so much more depth, Rachel leading her husband between houses and knowing her way around the neighborhood from tours and all, or Will doing some chemistry stuff (it can be argued he does some physics, but this was only like... thrice).
Another thing was the inconsistency in focus. The writing went so in-depth about "oh, when we entered the gate, it felt like this in the pit of my stomach right over my belly button..." But then it builds up "Oh no! Where will we find the gate, it could be here or here or there!" And then you get to the bottom of the page where they've been fretting about where the gate is, and then it's like "lol here it is, no explanation or anything required". That's one example, but there's more within the book.
Also... they murder people while playing (yeah, jerk teens, they earned it though, I agree) and they just go, "Alright! Yay! You did good! High five, let us loot the bodies."
I understand this world was built to reflect video games and RPG games. But the RPG world is brought to earth with no explanation and no one questions it, they shrug it off and go with it, and there's no talk of how it affects their lives other than "oh no, we have 0 phones". Perhaps I am not made for litRPG, and this seemed like a great concept! But it could have been better without making a 50 page book feel like such a chore to power through.
First off, the writing itself. It constantly flip-flops between present and past tense, which threw me off and it was easily noticed. The voice of the narrator sounds like the author is a beginner, had an idea for a LitRPG, and watched a bunch of Crime Noir films, because Will (our main character) sounds JUST LIKE the detective in a Noir film. The grammar wasn't horrendous, but I did spot a couple mistakes.
Onto the story. Our Characters are Will and his wife, Rachel, two ordinary folk whisked into a video-game world. Will is a science teacher and Rachel is a real estate agent. Neither one of them use these skills in their fights or in this new world. It would have added so much more depth, Rachel leading her husband between houses and knowing her way around the neighborhood from tours and all, or Will doing some chemistry stuff (it can be argued he does some physics, but this was only like... thrice).
Another thing was the inconsistency in focus. The writing went so in-depth about "oh, when we entered the gate, it felt like this in the pit of my stomach right over my belly button..." But then it builds up "Oh no! Where will we find the gate, it could be here or here or there!" And then you get to the bottom of the page where they've been fretting about where the gate is, and then it's like "lol here it is, no explanation or anything required". That's one example, but there's more within the book.
Also... they murder people while playing (yeah, jerk teens, they earned it though, I agree) and they just go, "Alright! Yay! You did good! High five, let us loot the bodies."
I understand this world was built to reflect video games and RPG games. But the RPG world is brought to earth with no explanation and no one questions it, they shrug it off and go with it, and there's no talk of how it affects their lives other than "oh no, we have 0 phones". Perhaps I am not made for litRPG, and this seemed like a great concept! But it could have been better without making a 50 page book feel like such a chore to power through.