It’s rare that I re-read a book so soon after reading it. I acquired a lovely paperback version signed by Bourne, and I decided I was in the mood to re-read Pretending. It might not have been the best decision (so many feels), but it might have been the right decision. 

My first review feels very true and comprehensive, so I won’t add too much to this one. Mostly I just want to emphasize how real this book feels. 

For some time prior to the pandemic, and then as the pandemic exacerbated it, one of my friends endured an abusive relationship. While it bears little resemblance to the trauma that April experienced prior to the start of Pretending, I have witnessed the emotional toll that my friend’s trauma has extracted and continues to extract from her. And it makes me angry, angry at the abuser specifically but also at our society for enabling it in so many ways. Angry, too, at the microaggressions women face constantly even if we are not in abusive situations. 

A great deal of this book wrestles with the question “#NotAllMen?” April takes a very hardline stance of “Yes, all men” for most of the book. One of themes, of course, is that there is far more nuance to this issue—Bourne is definitely trying to portray growth in April by her gradual admission to herself that not all men are as toxic as she believes. Yet, as many characters comment in various ways, it might be the case that all cis men “are a little bit shit,” to quote one woman in particular. What Pretending excels at is how it demonstrates the way that this shittiness is embedded in our patriarchal society, especially when it comes to romantic interactions with women. 

This is a difficult book to read because it is raw. April makes so many mistakes, does things she knows she shouldn’t do. Yes, she is traumatized, but the book is clear that this is not an excuse for her behaviour. The difficulty in reading this book, at least for me, comes in the visceral awareness that there is no magic bullet. There is no small change we could make that magically makes our society less misogynistic. We need radical change, and we needed it yesterday. 

I really hope more cis men read this book—and take it seriously, and think about what they can do to materially dismantle patriarchy every single day.