“Imagine going about your day knowing someone’s carrying you in their mind. That has to be the best part of being in love- the feeling of having a home in some else’s brain.”

Stars (Out of 10): 7/10 Stars

Favorite Character: I still can’t get over how much I love Simon and Bram!

Spoiler Free: I finished this about a week ago now, and the farther I get from it, the more conflicted I seem to be. There were many things I loved about this book, and what I felt it did well, from the friendship tensions to actual decent bi rep, but there were also a few things that I felt got sacrificed wrongly for the story to be a happy ending, or for the relationship within the book to work out.

To begin with, I really liked Leah, for the most part. Her way of narrating things was super funny, which I’ve come to expect from Albertalli at this point, and kept me hooked in the book. Her voice was also extremely strong, and she felt like a full and developed character. However, she was also a bit of an ass at points. She admits this though, knows she sometimes treats people unfairly or judges some situations too harshly, and so in that sense, it’s kind of okay. The only problem is that I feel like she doesn’t really grow herself, but the people around her do. There are some moments where she just crosses the line, and there’s never any consequence for that, and Leah never starts moving away from those moments.

Like Becky’s other books, the main plot is also the relationships within the book, whether it be the platonic ones or romantic ones. And this book was even more chock full of them than usual! We’ve got the familial relationship of Leah and her mom (and occasional Wells, the mom’s boyfriend.) We’ve also got a myriad of platonic friendships, a combination of multiple social circles (the band, the Nick/Simon/Leah trio, and the larger, broader friendship group). We also have two romantic interests, which I won’t mention by name just in case of spoilers (not sure how quickly these were revealed!) All of these come with their own issues to navigate, so the fact that this book doesn’t have much of a plot is definitely not a problem, as the relationship conflicts more than carry the book.

As distance grew between me and reading the book, I found that the things that annoyed me stuck with me more than the things I liked, and that’s quite unfortunate. I loved the read itself, but the problems stick out more now that it’s been a few days since I actually read it. I’ll discuss the specifics in the spoiler section, but unfortunately, I don’t think this book will stay in as high a regard with me over time, unlike [b:Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda|19547856|Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Creekwood, #1)|Becky Albertalli|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1402915678s/19547856.jpg|27679579] and [b:The Upside of Unrequited|30653853|The Upside of Unrequited|Becky Albertalli|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1487956734s/30653853.jpg|45749039]. I’m still going to pick up anything Albertalli writes though!

Careful! Spoilers beyond this point!

Spoilers:

Spoiler

Oh man, how do I even start? I want to preface this again saying I really enjoyed this book, regardless of the issues I have with it now, and love the diversity and rep Albertalli continues to have in her books! None of my issues were in those areas, but rather how characters and relationships were aligned to make this particular story possible.

First off, I can’t help but feel a little bad for Nick. He’s entirely demonized in this book, in my opinion. He bears the brunt of the failed relationship, and even his mourning of it, which should be something that creates empathy for him, is written in such a way that he comes off as ridiculous, aggressive, and annoying. Even Leah can barely bring herself to be there for him, so why should readers even give a shit about him anymore? I also dislike what Albertalli continued to do with Nick even after Leah and Abby got together/confessed feelings. His “act” at prom was horrible, especially the portion with Taylor. His outburst at dinner was also extremely hurtful. Then he went and got together with Taylor, a girl who is only painted as ridiculous and fake. It’s almost too obvious that Albertalli wants us to put all the blame on Nick just so we can accept how quickly Abby moves into a new relationship, and with one of her ex’s best friends no less.

This brings me to my next point. I don’t think Abby should’ve been the one Leah ended up with. Now, this isn’t the same as me thinking Abby shouldn’t have been bi. I’m all for that. I just think there were way too many obstacles for that relationship to have happened realistically, and that’s why the ending of this book feels so odd to me. The breaking down of the relationship of Abby and Nick also feels really weird. We only get to see two instances of their relationship, the beginning and the end, and therefore it all feels kind of sudden. This is also heavily due to the fact that there is central reason to the breakup. We get a few from Abby, specifically that she doesn’t want to do long-distance and that she hasn’t been feeling the same about Nick, but it all feels weird when placed with Nick/Taylor flirting with each other at parties. Abby goes out and even says she wishes there was something there so she would have a reason to break up with him, but how come it does really seem like there’s something there? It all feels really weird, and not explained enough to flow well. Not only do we have to accept that Abby doesn’t care for Nick anymore (in a relationship sense), but we also have to ignore the backlash that her quick moving on would have caused (as Albertalli chooses not to show this). Albertalli is known for her happy endings, so having the final relationship be the thing that most likely tears the friend group apart at the end of senior year didn’t really fit in with that. However, the fact that the solution to solving that conflict was just not showing it really bugs me. I also just would’ve loved to see some of her friends’ reactions, especially her mom’s.