read for PopSugar 2019 Advanced Reading Challenge: two books with the same title, paired with [b:Forbidden|25760151|Forbidden (Old West, #1)|Beverly Jenkins|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1436290539s/25760151.jpg|45264426] by Beverly Jenkins

This book... I don't even quite know how to start talking about it. It had been on my tbr for a few years because it was so highly rated, and I recently removed it. However, after reading Beverly Jenkins, I realized picking this up could fulfill a reading challenge. And honestly, I wish I hadn't read it.

This book isn't bad. Suzuma is a good writer and she handles a taboo topic very delicately. This isn't a VC Andrews book where incest is sensationalized into a soap opera-esque drama. Instead it's a book about two deeply traumatized and neglected teenagers who have to step into the role of mom and dad for their younger siblings. Due to their extenuating circumstances, they fall in love. And my issue is not that this is relationship is incestuous (I mean it's SO uncomfortable to read the physical intimacy scenes, but I was expecting that much), but that I don't believe the love story. I don't feel like I read two characters falling in love, but two kids who are deeply emotionally reliant on the other in order to survive. Had they not been siblings, I still think their relationship was unhealthy because they had absolutely no one else in their lives. Supposedly Maya is chatty and outgoing, but we barely see her in social situations. I think she was involved with things at school, but it's a fleeting mention in the first few chapters. Her best friend is a complete prop to make Maya slightly different from Lochan and his social anxiety. Otherwise, I can't really separate their individual characteristics. The chapters alternate between the two and I frequently was confused about who was speaking until I saw the pronouns. Also so many reviews mentioned the tragic ending, and so I was building up in my head what could happen, ultimately to be disappointed? I was expecting more of a twist.

I mean Lochan's suicide is awful, but I was SO convinced Willa was going to die while maya and Lochan were covering for themselves. So his death didn't feel as tragic to me as one of the other siblings getting hurt

I can't pretend that my reaction isn't influenced by personal prejudices. And I don't think people who like this book support incest. It's just, there are so many leaps the characters take to justify their actions. Maya compares it to a teacher and student (aka an adult and a teenager) falling in love and how that's okay despite the age difference. Which it isn't! There's a deep power imbalance and the teenager can't consent. There's just so many jumps to justify why this is consensual and how they've never viewed each other as siblings, but it seems to defeat the purpose? I mean they are in love *because* they are siblings who have had to take over parenting their younger siblings.

I don't know, I started to look up articles about consensual incest because I was curious about how frequently this happens, and it is a dark world out there. It seems mostly consensual incest happens when separated family members meet again as adults, which makes sense as they don't have a shared childhood/family lifestyle. But then I found a reddit forum dedicated to incest, where a large portion of these relationships were mother and son, and I was appalled. It's not possible for those relationships to ever be consensual. No fucking way, the power divide will always make it unequal. Maybe finishing this book right after [b:The Color Purple|11486|The Color Purple|Alice Walker|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1386925078s/11486.jpg|3300573] where the main character is raped by her father on the first page made me feel extra sensitive to how incest is nearly always abuse. I just couldn't garner enough sympathy to Maya and Lochan. I read quite a bit of romance, and their story was not romantic to me. I was not compelled by these characters falling in love.

CLEARLY I have a lot of thoughts and this will be a book that sticks with me (even when i don't want it to.) Again, I respect Suzuma for trying to tell a tragic, taboo story and my low rating is not reflective on what I think about her. I liked her writing enough that I'd be willing to try another book from her.

(Personally my biggest gripe, how the hell is Lochan pronounced? I ended up just referring to him as Lachlan in my head in order to not go cray when his name appeared. This is a minute, petty concern, but it really irked me!!)