Please check trigger warnings before starting this novel. 

I feel like I have been following this author since I discovered booktok and dark romance. With my recent one month subscription to Kindle Unlimited I decided it was time to try out one of their newer releases. I’ll admit I was a little hesitant to start this one after realizing there were a lot of religious discussions and plot points, but once I got into this story there was no turning back. 

The inspiration for this story centers around someone being trapped in a bell tower within a church. A tale as old as time, with a very dark and gothic twist. The setting and overall tone of this story were immediately palpable from the first few pages. While the wider scope of the setting takes place on a college campus, our main characters are living in the shell of an old abandoned, apparently haunted, church. If I had to describe this setting it would be a twisted, gothic, Wednesday Addams, paint it black rendition conjured up in your nightmares. 

I’ve noticed a pattern with some dark romances, where in order for the dynamics to work the main female character needs to be a bit naive to the world around them. While that isn’t always the case, in this novel our FMC was leagues beyond just a sheltered soul who didn’t understand how to interact with other humans. She had no formal education or even a familial upbringing to acquaint herself with. Because of her past she relies heavily on the truths provided to her by our three male main characters, who all have some semblance of ulterior motives.

When it came to the dark romance aspect of this book the lines defining consent were a bit hazy in the beginning. Thankfully they weren’t so questionable that I wasn’t able to enjoy the relationships in this why choose adventure as they evolved. I think a big part of the consent issue stemmed from our FMC being so out of touch with human nature, and not knowing what is or is not appropriate. The question becomes does she understand what is happening to her, and does she have the mental capacity to say no in the beginning? I don’t have answers for that, but I did appreciate that as she developed as a character, and as these relationships continued, boundaries were drawn and respected by all parties. 

While I was reading this it was very easy for me to define good, evil and morally gray characters based on their actions and their roles in society. Our three MMC’s were not good people. They were killers who would do whatever it took to stay at the top of their food chain. The author’s note in the beginning of the story even warns that we the reader shouldn’t necessarily be rooting for them, and the author even questioned if this book should exist for others to read. 

I, for one, am glad there is a story out in the world that expresses some of my deepest fears and darkest desires. The commentary on separation of church and state, which naturally leads into a discussion on women’s autonomy, were difficult to read because of the very real threat that exists in our own society. In some ways, realizing I’m not alone in these fears was also a cathartic experience. I’m sure there will be a group of readers who vehemently oppose the premise of this novel, and if I had read this book before I began deconstructing in 2020, I probably would have put this book down relatively quickly in disgust from what I perceived as a warped view of religion.

There was one point around the 70% mark in the book where I did find myself extremely frustrated with the choices made to progress the plot. Do these choices ‘make sense’ for our character? Sure. But was I the reader groaning and rolling my eyes the entire time? Sure was. I had been enjoying the story with commentary on politics, religion, corruption, ways people were silently fighting back, and the downright wild sexy times, and felt like this section of the novel completely threw me out of the otherwise natural flow of events. 

I think part of me likes this book so much because I know a much younger version of myself would have hated it. And I think this reading experience is a concrete way to prove to myself that I am capable of change and growth in my thoughts and ideas of the world around me in ways that are positive not only for myself, but for my community. I think this is a very polarizing subject that you’re either going to love, hate, or fall somewhere in the gray zone. Which very well might be the point all along.