Okay, so...I finally decided to sit down and write a review (mostly because my brain won't let me pick up another book unless I do *rolls eyes*).

I'm not sure how to rate this book. The reason it's taken me so long to write this review is because I felt really confused at the end. Though I'll admit that that was entirely my fault. The last half of the book was quite intense and lot was going on. And my brain decided that instead of taking things slowly and digesting everything, it was better to speed read to the end. So, I decided to skim-read some of the parts that confused me, and now I'm going to analyze it here and hopefully decide by the end what the rating should be.

Starting with things I liked:

– I really enjoyed reading a book where one of the main characters is disguised as a boy. It gave me major Tamora Pierce (aka Alanna) vibes and it was great! I loved seeing Aurora prove to Niklaas that just because she's small and a girl, doesn't mean she can't defend herself. Her stubbornness, determination, and flaws felt really realistic and it made me really feel for her character.

– One thing I should add is that this book is written through first person POV! It was a nice change from reading third person POVs and I really liked seeing what was going on through the character's mind. It also made the reading a lot more immersive, which I really enjoyed!

– The constant banter back and forth between Niklaas and Aurora was just amazing! I love reading about characters who get along so well, yet are funny and not so serious all the time! Their chemistry was just adorable and their developing friendship (even through a short period of time) didn't feel forced or unrealistic.

– I really liked Niklaas' character development. He came off as a womanizer and a sexist in the beginning, but he changes and realizes that everything he thought about women was wrong. He's also super cute and unabashedly full of himself (but in a good way!) and his POV's just made me smile!

– I did really enjoy the world, but I felt like it could have been developed more. Though considering that this is a standalone, I think the author did a good job within the limits of one book.

***

Okay, now to discuss some spoilery stuff...

Spoiler

When Niklaas discovers that Ror is actually a girl, his reaction was pretty much what I expected. He's angry and feels betrayed, which is totally understandable. And Aurora herself, feels bad that she couldn't have told him the truth herself. What follows after though, was a bit confusing for me the first time around. Again, it was because I read waaay too quickly.

I really liked how the second half of this book focuses on love and what love actually is. Skimming through a second time around, I've realized that Niklaas had never been in love. All his other "relationships" were because of lust, not love. And I think that's an important distinction that was brought up. Niklaas based his "escapades" on their looks (at least until he became desperate and realized he needed to marry a princess – but even then, it was mostly based on looks – I mean, who's heard of an ugly princess lol). He never saw women has equals...someone he could befriend and learn from. They were his way of escaping his fate for most of his life. When he meets Ror, he obviously thinks she's a boy, and he strikes up a friendship with her, treating her like he would treat another boy. Everything changes when he finds out that Ror isn't a boy. It comes as a shock and it leaves him feeling confused. Niklaas says himself:

"I'm not sure what to call the emotion I feel for her, but it isn't what a boy feels for a girl he wants to marry."

I think this quote really shows the way Niklaas thinks. He associates his feelings with the feelings he has towards a friend or sister. What he doesn't realize is that those same emotions are what makes up a healthy relationship...a healthy marriage.

As for Aurora, the same can be said for her. She has never really been in love either, so it's as new to her as it is for Niklaas. Ror says herself, that what she felt for Thyne was friendship, not love. So obviously, her feelings towards Niklaas are kind of jumbled. She cares for him like she cares for a friend, she's attracted to him, and she's slowly falling in love with him. The only thing that stops her is her curse. And I think because of that, she's hesitant to accept her feelings. And because of Niklaas' previous relationships, he's hesitant to accept that his feelings towards Aurora is more than just friendship.

What follows though, after Aurora wakes up in Beschuttz, is weird. Aurora does something that I think was totally not her character. She decides that if Niklaas just wants to give up and be turned into a swan, then she might as well take everything away from him and turn him into Thyne. So she comes up with a plan to make Niklaas' "blood rush", so that he'll fall in love with her and then she can take advantage of that and kiss him????!! It just didn't seem right for so many reasons:

– First of all, why does she have to act all girly just to make someone fall for her? I get that that's how Niklaas fell for all those girls, but it seems kind of contradictory with what I felt the author was trying to portray...that love is more than physical looks (aka nice hair and a pretty dress that shows off your figure)...:/

– Even if Ror did want to follow through with making Niklaas' fall in love with her, she didn't have to kiss him. She could have totally used that opportunity to maybe convince him that his feelings for her are more than just friendship, and maybe that would have convinced him that they could work together. I mean she did get quite close. The scene after their sparring practice, Niklaas does feel like he shouldn't fight what he feels but just accept it. But then before he can say anything, Aurora kisses him and ruins everything. What Ror did was quote violating. You would think after Thyne that she would have learned from her guilt.

– Ror seems like a completely different person after this. I guess she lets her girly side shine or whatever, but it didn't feel like her. The entire first half of the book she felt authentic, but after this point, she changes and I don't know how to feel about that.

Then we get the whole Niklaas treating Ror as a prisoner. They get to Mercar where Ekeeta turns out to be a good person after all (which I'll admit kind of felt too convenient). The plan for Ror, her brother, and Niklaas' escape falls through, and we have the final battle. It felt too fast. Ekeeta sacrifices herself, Ror loses her briar-born powers, and Niklaas and Thyne are finally back to normal. Oh, and Jor is safe. The story tied up too nicely and too quickly. Almost like the author knew she was running out of time and needed to wrap things up.

But then of course we have the whole Niklaas and Aurora reunion. Honestly, I don't understand how Niklaas could trust Aurora after what she did. He says to her after the battle:

"You turned me into a monster...I've spent my whole life trying not to be my father, and with one flaming kiss you made me as bad as he ever was."

"If you did [love me], you wouldn't have lied to me again and again, and you never would have used me the way you did."

Niklaas has a point. I understand Ror's reason to lie to him about her sex and I get why Niklaas lied about the curse, but there was no reason for Ror to lie about her curse and to trick Niklaas into doing what she wanted (especially since he was willing to go with her plan). If only she had taken the time to listen to Niklaas instead of being so rash.

And then they make up and live happily ever after. Honestly, if I ignore everything Aurora did, then I really enjoyed the last 10 pages or so. It was cute and funny. But then I'm one of those people who is really picky when it comes to romance and there were waay too many things that bothered me here unfortunately.

Wow lol

I love how when I sit down to write an actual review I end up bashing a book I actually somewhat enjoyed reading. And I thought I'd know what to rate this afterwards, but I'm still on the fence. I'm going to settle with 3 stars because I really enjoyed the first half of the book, and if I ignore certain parts, then the ending was pretty good.