Wow… I knew this book was YA, but I did not expect it to be quite so insufferable… 

It started off well, I enjoyed the mixed media, especially the voice of the person giving exam instructions – it was the same voice that voiced all of my own GCSE/A-Level exams, and really brought me back to that time in my life. 

However, the second I heard the phrase ‘holy pepperoni’, I knew things were about to go downhill. What an annoying phrase, and why did it have to be used four times in the space of 10 minutes?? 

The whole book was just majorly cringe, and the narrators for this audiobook did not help. Their inflection was truly insufferable, and they dragged everything out to an extreme degree and left so many long pauses! This is the first audiobook I have HAD to play faster to be able to stand the narration, and even at 1.5x speed there were still unbearable pauses in places… 

It also didn’t help matters that Pip is the most annoying, entitled, goody two shoes character I have ever come across - e.g. ‘’If you have the depravity to pedal drugs to kids I definitely think you could be the sort inclined to murder’’…. Umm, she was talking about selling a bit of weed to 16-year-olds? Hardly murderous intent. Clearly the author has never had ANYTHING to do with drugs in their life and thinks anyone who takes them is the bottom of the barrel. This is also made clear when she only mentions using rolling paper and weed for a joint. What, no roach or baccy? Even when Pip is meant to be embarrassing about her unfamiliarity with ‘drug lingo’ (‘’Just came out here looking for Mary Jane’’) I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. 

I have never hated a main character more in my LIFE. The number of times I had to pause the audiobook just to vent my frustration and her idiocy and obliviousness was ridiculous. 

The storyline is also just completely unrealistic, even when I was trying my hardest to suspend every scrap of disbelief I had. A kid taking on a drug dealer? Especially this kind of kid?? Someone who’s such a goody two shoes yet starts blackmailing criminals??? Let alone the criminals just telling her the complete truth every time she even looks at them – no 17-year-old could ever be this ‘good’ of an interrogator. 

AND WHY DIDN’T SHE JUST GO TO THE POLICE??? The characterisation doesn’t make any sense. If you are that much of a swot, you would go to the authorities at the earliest possible moment, not put yourself and others in unnecessary danger. Idiot. 

At one point I did think the story was picking up a bit, but I blame Stockholm Syndrome. And then the dog thing happened – SO UNNECESSARY – it did NOTHING for the plot. Clearly the author just wanted to try and get as many pity points for this obnoxious character as possible. I hate to tell ya, it did not work. If a character is going to care more about her Cambridge entrance exam than a potentially kidnapped and still suffering victim, I have zero sympathy for her. 

Also, why the f*ck did the brightest of the bright, the girl who did every member of the police’s jobs better than them, DRINK THAT MOTHERF*CKING TEA. God sake. 

And then of course the book ended with two full on expositions. One a full-on confession (once again directly to Pip) which included Every. Single. Detail. she needed to be wrapped up into a nice, neat little bow. And one the final project epilogue which was just yet another clumsy, heavy-handed exposition to end a clunky and unoriginal story. 

Besides all of this, the ‘mystery’ wasn’t interesting, the ‘twists’ were uneventful, and I felt nothing but frustration and sometimes true rage at Pip throughout the entire book. She was miraculously clever and absolutely thick all at once, while pushing every single annoyance button inside me. 

There were also definitely white saviour/’I love my stepfather even though he’s black’ vibes, which isn’t surprising given the holier than thou depiction of Pip. 

I understand how the unformed teenage brain might enjoy this book, but full-grown adults? Wild. 

TL;DR – enraging and insufferable