“someone found me and thought that I was worth something.”

the execution wasn't for me but I appreciated the themes it wanted to discuss and I think Micaiah Johnson made some smart moves. I think that the synopsis built it up too much.

— overall thoughts: 2.5 —
⇢ content warnings//

Spoiler

Addiction (mentioned), Blood, Child abuse (mentioned), Child death (mentioned), Child neglect (mentioned), Domestic abuse, Gore, Homophobia (mentioned), Murder, Poison, Rape (briefly mentioned/implied), Sex (implied), Sex work (discussed), Violence

⇢ representation: Black main and side characters, Japanese main character, wlw main character, Non-binary side characters

It was hard for me to visualize descriptions and care about the plot since it did not feel as high stakes as it should've been. This might be the first time I did not fall in love with a book about parallel worlds and it makes me really sad. It was hard to care about the conflict of them just taking down this dictator person.

It ended on a hopeful note albeit a little anti-climactic.

The plot revolves around Cara who essentially can travel between worlds that are similar to ours. What makes her a huge asset is because you can only travel to a world where you are dead or else you’re the one who’s probably going to end up dying… and she has died in almost all of these worlds. I have to admit that the themes that the book wanted to talk about were very evident and I see how it could’ve been a really emotional story for a lot of people.

“I don’t think she’ll miss me, that’s too limited a way of thinking. But she makes me feel like she’s noticed me and I’m grateful for that too.”

Themes on racism, prejudice, and how simple opportunity can affect the direction of one’s life (specifically people of color), were actively discussed and I liked how it was placed into a sci-fi setting. The way that Johnson related how abuse and ignorance as the reasons that ultimately lead to her hundreds of death in all these worlds made for a lot of intrigue (that wasn’t a spoiler).

Unfortunately, the synopsis was more intriguing than the actual book. I’m really disappointed because the execution wasn't as emotional and as gripping as it should've been for me. It felt like I was watching everything happen from a glass case where no emotions could penetrate. I felt detached from the plot, the antagonist, the conflict, basically everything that was supposed to make it exciting. It lost me around the 30-50% mark. A huge part of the plot is our main character world jumping and even though it was interesting to see, I don’t know if it did much for the plot? Or maybe that was when it lost me. If only the plot matched the level of intrigue that synopsis set up.

There are definitely complicated characters if that's what you're looking for. There were a lot of times I was really close to getting attached to Cara and Del… but it just never sunk in for me. It was an interesting perspective to see this dystopia world from Cara's point of view, it brought up a lot of good discussions.

“The universe erases me, but it also remakes me again and again, so there must be something worthwhile in this image. ”

I have no other criticism aside from I wasn't emotionally attached at all. But if you end up falling in love with the characters, you might fall in love with this book.

↣ This did not speak to me personally but I know it did for a lot of people and I definitely see why. I just had a hard time caring about whatever the conflict was inflicting. If Micaiah Johnson comes out with more books in the future, I’m still going to be picking it up because of the themes and how she chooses to represent them alone. ↢