content warnings:

Spoiler

on-page non explicit rape, sexual harassment, victim-blaming, teacher/student (one-sided), voyeurism, public sex, grooming, body-shaming, slut-shaming, misogynistic language, infidelity, classism, racism, colorism, Orientalism/yellow fever, mention of miscarriages, parent with substance addiction, controlling behavior (by romantic partner)

rep:

Spoiler

Filipina-American MC [Dani], Chinese MC [Claire], Filipina immigrant secondary character [Dani's mom], lesbian Chinese secondary characters [Ming & Florence], established secondary F/F relationship, diverse minor characters

tl;dr The themes and rep are great; I personally found the execution lacking, but though it's not for me I sincerely hope this book will resonate with others.

I really wanted to like this more since it engages thoughtfully with issues of privilege and rape culture, in part based on the author's own experiences (!!!). But in a nutshell, and at risk of sounding callous, I just had so much trouble sympathizing with any of the characters and the pacing felt awkward.

The latter first, because my feelings here are more straightforward. Basically the plot seemed to comprise a lot of whining about privilege, through naive and self-absorbed lenses — until the last quarter or so, when (dun dun dun) Very Bad Things Happen. Because of the pacing, there wasn't space for much development or exploration of the conflict/consequences of the climax (aka the part that felt like the whole point of the story), just quick resolution and cheesy platitudes.

It probably doesn't help that the prose involves a lot of telling instead of showing, particularly regarding feelings. Chapters open with "I'm so happy that [whatever happened previously]" and similar phrases, which to me felt contrived rather than stream-of-consciousness. There's a lot of recapping what's already happened and how characters feel/react/are thinking of reacting.

With regards to the former: given the plot, I honestly feel bad even expressing that I actively dislike every single member of the cast except

Spoiler

Ming and Dani's mom, they're unproblematic sweethearts

. Obviously a victim doesn't and shouldn't have to be perfect to be believed or to be blameless, but I got the impression that we were meant to like Dani and Claire, and I ... couldn't.

In short, I always have trouble empathizing with characters who can't be bothered even trying to empathize with others. Part of the reason I didn't DNF was that I hoped to see significant character growth — but if it happens, it's dramatic and squeezed in at the end.

In more detail: They repeatedly make selfish decisions and snap judgments, blow hot and cold towards each other and their alleged friends/love interests and their parents, and seem genuinely surprised that their actions have consequences. They gossip behind people's backs, judge everyone else by their own values and priorities and life experiences. What really got me is that both Dani and Claire somehow

Spoiler

make the fact that their friend didn't come out to them a reason to feel hurt: making the situation about themselves, disregarding their very valid reasons for staying closeted

.

So as stated in the tl;dr, I don't want to totally dismiss how much this book may mean to other readers. It just really didn't work for me.

>> Buddy read with Soph! (Thanks for being my vent buddy as always.)

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CONVERSION: 5.53 / 15 = 2 stars

Prose: 4 / 10
Characters & Relationships: 3 / 10
Emotional Impact: 1 / 10
Development / Flow: 3 / 10
Setting: 5 / 10

Diversity & Social Themes: 4 / 5
Originality / Trope Execution: 2 / 5
Memorability: 1 / 5