Wow, I really liked this! In many ways If I Was Your Girl is a classic YA novel. A new girl in school tries to adjust to a new life, makes a good group of friends, falls in love, deals with a strained parent relationship. Seriously the whole traveling away from mom to an estranged dad - some real Twilight vibes. The catch is that Amanda is trans.

One of the things I really liked about this book is that we missed a lot of Amanda's early struggles. There are a series of flashbacks that reveal the process she's gone through: her depression, anxiety, bullying, coming out, but we never see the scene of violence that causes her to leave town, of which I'm really grateful. We really just get to see Amanda get the dream of that normal teenage girl life. In fact, there's parts where the book just sort of meanders through high school life: going out to eat, hanging with friends, kissing boys, going to parties, etc. It's so blessedly normal and free of trauma, it makes me desperately wish all trans kids could have this life. Of course it isn't all easy, and I think the development between Amanda and her father, who learns to accept his new daughter, was really beautiful to read. She also gets to deal with the casual misogyny that women face everyday (yay!!!!).

My biggest issue was probably Grant. I didn't find him particularly swoon-worthy as a love interest, so the middle of the book began to lag for me. The romance wasn't particularly interesting other than the fact that everything was a first for Amanda. He gets a bit of a tragic backstory, which honestly didn't compel to care too much for him. Yes his life is hard, but honestly he was pretty boring.

I think so much of this book was Amanda getting to emerge from the barriers she'd been hiding behind all her life. She clearly becomes the freest and happiest she's ever been. It's revealed early on that Amanda attempted suicide before coming out, and I think this spark of hope and moving past the depths of despair is desperately important to read. Her mother and trans mentor are such beautiful pillars of support, and it's clear that Amanda's support system grows and strengthens throughout the book. The author's note at the end made me cry. Russo addresses cis and trans readers separately. She tells cis readers that this cannot count as every trans experience, and she thanks trans readers for their existence. She asks her readers who've contemplated suicide to just hold on.

I really loved the choice of Bee to betray Amanda. She's supposed to be the open and accepting queer friend, but obviously that doesn't make you a perfect ally or friend. The homecoming scene and aftermath was pretty horrible to read, and I do wish we had seen Bee reckon with the consequences. I also loved that Anna didn't get pinholed into being a mean Christian, but genuinely cared about Amanda and told her not to hesitate to correct and homophobic and transphobic language. It's that easy folks!!!!!

I'm glad I read this book, and I'm so ready to read more trans authors.