I've decided not to rate this one because my feelings are so divided.

Objectively, there's no arguing against the fact that this book is a masterpiece. It's incredibly well-crafted, one of the most unique and immersive fantasy/sci-fi books I have ever read. For a world this expansive, I should have spent much of the book confused and yet everything was explained simply and vividly at once. There were moments that this book felt so real, I practically felt enveloped by the story; by the pain and the darkness and the little pinpricks of light.

Subjectively though... I didn't really like it, though that feels too simplistic for how I felt. This book seems to go beyond liking and disliking, considering the allegories and heavy subject matter. Enjoyment isn't exactly a word to ascribe to this book, even if it's your all-time favorite. Amazement at N.K. Jemisin's talent over her craft, overwhelmed by the enormity and scale of the world: maybe. But enjoyment, no.

However... even with those things being said, this book didn't work for my personal tastes. I'm not even sure why that was. I spent the entire reading experience trying to sort through why it is and I have no clear answer.

It can be such a hard thing as someone that reviews books, to try to figure out how to put your feelings into words when they conflict with what you know. Sometimes, a book can do everything right and it just doesn't work for you.

Tiny side-note, I didn't realize the character's identity was meant to be a reveal until I read other reviews saying they were amazed by the reveal. I thought we knew that the whole time. Now, is that me guessing the twist or was it never intended to be a dramatic reveal, I don't know. Either way, I wanted to mention it.

To bring us back to the beginning, I've decided not to rate this book because it would be impossible for me to rate it accurately. I feel too many things and nothing at all at the same time. This was an incredible book and at the same time, I have no urge to ever revisit it or carry on with the series.

Overall, this was... such a conflicting reading experience. If you, like me, are one of the last remaining members of the book community to not have read this book, I still recommend it (granted that the trigger warnings don't bother you). There's a reason that this book is as beloved as it is and I completely get it. 

I wish it had worked for me, but I'm still glad I read it.