I'm so annoyed. 1.5 stars

So here's the thing. As far as I recall, I've never watched an entire episode of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. No shade at anyone who likes those shows. They just aren't for me. But when I heard that this book was going to be a spin on that premise showcasing a fat main character, I was intrigued. As a fat woman myself, I'd like to see more stories about big ladies finding love. As far as the Bachelor concept goes, I assumed (hoped?) that they would put some sort of spin on the idea of a dating reality tv show.

I was disappointed. As someone who has never seen an episode of these shows, I still know the format. One person meets 25 people of the opposite sex (because heaven forbid they showcase anything other that hetero-normative relationships), the cast goes on group dates, one-on-one dates, location dates, trip home to meet the family dates, and then the 'will they or won't they' sexy-time dates, all leading up to a melodramatic finale where the man or woman chooses their 'forever' partner, who they usually end up breaking up with 6-8 weeks later. Sometimes they throw in twists and turns like old flames and there is always, ALWAYS a villain.

This book did absolutely nothing to turn that on its head, with the exception of putting a fat woman into the role of bachelorette. Since I am already not a fan of the concept of one person dating 25 people at the same time, this was probably never going to be a favorite.

There were things I did like. This is told in a mixed-media format, relying on text conversations, group chats, social media posts/comments, podcast transcripts, and articles discussing the show and Bea, the protagonist. I thought all of that was well done and it felt very familiar, very authentic. I liked the group chat with the people who created fantasy brackets for the show and also the two podcast hosts.

I also liked Marin, Bea's best friend. She's not as prevalent after the 150 page mark, but I really loved the dynamic between her and Bea.

As far as the contestants, I liked, but didn't love the main love interest. He was a little too closed off and with the way the story unfolded, I didn't feel like we got enough scenes with the two of them for me to really root for them.

There were two other contestants who I thought were very sweet and huggable, but it was obvious that they weren't going to be the guy Bea would end up with.

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't even really call this a romance. This is more a 'learning to love yourself' type of book. Bea spends WAY too much of this book mooning over some fuckboy who treated her like crap and buying into every negative thing she hears about herself.

I think that this book was trying to be celebratory of fat women. But I don't think it succeeded. There were so many times, especially in the first half of this book, where I just felt sick to my stomach at the way Bea was treated and talked about. I know that its realistic that there are a lot of asshole trolls out there who will say some truly vile shit to people, but I feel like this book is promoted as having a body-positive main character. And it's true that she does stand up for herself at times to pieces of garbage who insult and bully her. But she's pretty hard on herself too, and is very quick to doubt a man's motives because he refuses to spend the night with her after only knowing her a couple of weeks.

I really wanted to like this. I'm bummed that it fell apart for me.